Five Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Manipulate Your Vanilla Man into Being a Dominant

People often misunderstand how relationship communication works because they may have had such poor examples or think that coercing or manipulating someone is par for the course. You don’t want to tease someone, push them to get angry or jealous with you in hopes that the ensuing fight ends with hot and steamy makeup sex that pushes your D/s buttons.  Manipulation and a fear of outright communication with your partner are not positive tactics to take. Even if you are afraid to suggest to your partner that you want to try a little D/s or BDSM in your sex life there are better ways to open up and feel out where they might be as far as kink is concerned.

1. A healthy relationship is one where you communicate with your partner openly and honestly. If you are having to manipulate your man then you don’t have good communication skills. Learn how to open up a conversation with them that will not only work positively but could help you in other areas of your relationship. Schedule a time where there is no distraction and have a heart to heart talk about your new interests. Express that you want to include them in your sexual fantasies and see where it leads. I know a lot of guys would love to try to fulfill them!

2. Making your partner mad at you won’t make them Dominant, it could make them domineering. There’s a difference and that’s consensuality. Domineering behavior is not a feel good relationship. You feel belittled and pressured into submitting. A domineering person holds another under their thumb and that’s not what you are looking for. You want consensual dominance and for that, you will want to keep your partner on your good side. Making him mad will not get you what you want and could end a relationship if done too harshly. He trusts you to be on his side, don’t suddenly threaten that.

3. Negative suggestions and forcefully hinting at making him Dominate can turn off a partner from ever trying things in a kinky setting with you later. That’s right, picking a fight could mean when you finally do wake up and take the communication route that your partner will not listen to you and will refuse to try anything kinky at all. You’ve essentially got to go about it the right way, with his feelings in mind, if you want to explore D/s role play. Don’t burn bridges.

4. Being shy and not knowing how to raise the topic of new sexy roleplay does not give you a pass from being considerate. Not every beginner’s guide for how to introduce a partner is the only way or the correct way. Read many other books and research a way that you feel will work in your favor and keep your partner open to your ideas. You can suggest things subtly without treating him poorly. Leave books with marked passages on the coffee table, links in your browser and little sexy notes for your partner. Let them get the idea that you are wanting to explore new play and do number 1. Talk to them about it.

5. Encouraging words and positive suggestions can go a long way in finding common ground to play in. Stroke his ego and make him feel like the jewel in your eye. He is after all, right? Keep him guessing at what the next fantasy you want to try will be, but a man will enjoy hearing the excitement in your voice as you share your next idea and the lusty gaze as you listen to his idea of a good time. Just imagine the fireworks when you both get what you’ve fantasized and it’s with the person you find most attractive in your life!

Nothing good has ever come from ridicule and coercion. So before you take a particular book, or essay as the one way to do something, please read other people’s ideas and listen to your little voice in your head. You know your partner – we don’t – how to introduce a new sexy role play will matter on his personality. But keep the relationship from crashing and burning by taking someone’s poor suggestions. Be positive, keep it sexy and fun and you’ll have a chance to explore D/s with the person you love.