Full Question: I am desperate. I have been the submissive guy of a dominant man, in the beginning, I asked if there was another relationship apart from mine, and he said no. Yesterday I discovered that he has a boyfriend and various sexual partners. What should do as a submissive?
Answer:
So you asked him point-blank if he was in any other relationships and he said no, only to find out later that he lied to you then, or started relationships with others without telling you during your relationship. That’s a tough situation and I’m sorry you are going through that.
First, he lied. He’s been caught in a lie. It’s a slimy thing for him to do when there are healthy, open ways to have more than one partner than keeping them secret. Lying is detrimental in any relationship, but it’s especially hurtful in romantic ones. Catching your partner in a lie can feel like a total betrayal! Every healthy relationship has a solid foundation of trust, and when it’s broken, it can be hard to restore it. If he lied to you about this, what else is he lying about? I couldn’t live with that uncertainty.
Having other partners without telling you also puts your sexual health at risk. Since he’s been caught in a lie, I’d not trust him if he said everyone was practicing safe sex and all were tested for STIs. Go get tested.
It matters not that you are submissive in this relationship. You deal with it the same way as anyone else. How do you feel about lying and do you still trust him? What are your relationship deal breakers? If you can accept that he’s going to have other relationships, without your consent or maybe even your awareness, perhaps you can rebuild. But you need to take time, without the submissive label, and think about how you feel about what just happened and where your trust with him now lies.
A partner who continually lies or deceives you intentionally is not worthy of your love or your time, and that’s the truth.