Banishment as a Form of Punishment: How Do You Cope?

“Go to your room!”

Yes, even  adults in power exchange relationships get treated like children sometimes. A common tool for Dominants in their punishment arsenal is removal. You can be removed from the activity and sent to a time out area. For me, that’s the kitchen. Ugh. I hate when I’m banished there. I can still hear what’s going on everywhere else, and to torture me, even more, there are no clocks. I can’t tell how much time has passed.  It works for us because I can understand my punishment and correct my behavior during the time I am away.

You may not have such a short time away. What if your Dominant tells you that they are not going to talk to you or see you for a week? Longer? How do you cope with that realization that you have made them so upset with you that they don’t want to see you? It happens more often in relationships that are not live-in but certainly are not reserved to that style of relationship. It’s hard and I spent my first few removals crying and confused.

Now, cyber relationships use banishment a lot more readily and it can be even more frustrating. You are essentially cut off from your Dominant in every way. They won’t answer their phone, you email them but no response; it’s like they dropped off the face of the earth. In these cases, I think that banishment is a lot more damaging than other punishment. In fact, I’m sure it’s lead to a lot of failed attempts at online submission. Connection and communication are the only way you are staying together and so to break that leaves a huge gaping hole. A hole that you can bail out of. Commonly, that is just what happens.

There are ways to cope with the disconnect of your Dominant for punishment sake. It may be hard at first like it was for me, but it is possible. Now, coping does not mean you can get used to it, that the reason you are being punished can be forgotten, or that you won’t miss your Dominant. All of these things are important to remind yourself of while you go through your banishment.

The Initial Phase

At first, you could feel that your relationship is fractured or that you did something really really bad to deserve this. Now I can’t judge how bad punishment is; only your Dominant really knows if it fits the crime. The only thing you can do is serve the punishment with humility. Do not constantly try to get in contact with them. They have given you this punishment and you should serve it.

Reflecting on the Infraction

Now that you know you are being punished and that you have a bit more time on your hands; think about what you did. Write about it to yourself or in a journal. Figure out how you can prevent it in the future. Heal the problem as best as you can so that you do not have to feel this punishment again.

Atone

As soon as the punishment is over apologize for what you did wrong. This is not the time to say that you didn’t do anything wrong or critique your Dominant. Be humble and apologize. You can hope that your reflection on what you did wrong will remind you that you don’t want to do that again, or you can apologize and know that you have corrected it.

Stay strong; banishment is not an easy punishment and thankfully something not everyone does.