Ms Luna, your guide has become my bible and I thank you for your writings. My first Dom/mentor/teacher and I have parted suddenly and unexpectedly. Since this is my first D/S relationship, what can I do to feel better about the raw unraveling and abandonment of feeling so alone?
First, you are not alone. People end relationships all the time. And just as each relationship is unique, if you haven’t heard that enough from me, the breakup is also unique. You may grieve for the loss of the relationship in a completely different way than anyone else and it’s completely normal to feel lost and alone. It is a time of intense emotional vulnerability as you struggle to pick up your day-to-day activities and move along.
Assuming you’ve been in relationships before, any kind of relationship, you’ve had experience with breakups. This isn’t that different. While you’ve got to reclaim your independence and the submission you gave, your partner was still a person first and the relationship was probably more than just D/s. So I always suggest you start with the vanilla ways to recover from a break-up.
Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have a lot of ups and downs, conflicting emotions, fear, anger, and frustration. Allow yourself to feel them.
Talk to someone – Having a friend that you can vent to and express how you feel is a healing activity for anyone who’s going through grief (and yes, break up response is considered grief).
Remember that moving on is the end goal – you want to be able to look forward to the future and not dwell on the would’a should’a could’a feelings that come up. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remember that you still have a future – when you commit yourself to someone you make a lot of dreams and goals with them. Losing them can feel like you’ve lost those dreams, but be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones
Other advice:
- Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
- 5 Myths of Recovery After a Breakup
- Chat Night Transcript from “Recovering from a Breakup” Talk
- Nine Things to Never do After a Breakup
- The Break-Up Cure: 7 Ways to Heal and Find Happiness Again