When we first begin exploring submission and our desires to serve there are usually a lot of baggage we bring to the table. It can cloud our minds and impact how we serve and submit to someone else. No one comes without any baggage at all but the way you handle it and prepare for a new relationship can decide how successful your relationship turns out.
I’m sure we’ve all heard that this or that person comes with too much baggage. The reason I see that this is an issue at all in new relationships is due to the way it’s handled. That baggage, whether it be debt, past partners still present somehow, grief, emotional issues or any other items that are brought in can weigh hard on the responsibilities of the new partner and how they interact with each other. Now, couple that with this unreal belief that a Dominant will ‘fix’ all that for the submissive and you are dealing with an explosive situation.
So, let’s dispel that belief right now. A Dominant is not a Sir Fix-it-all. He will not sweep in and make all your troubles go away. You are still responsible for what you have made and the relationships you have in your life. He is more likely to give you tasks to correct your problems on your own and may, if agreed upon, provide support for your personal clean up. A Dominant will not want to deal with the stress of your added emotional issues if they can be helped.
Before you enter into a relationship there are some things you can do that will make you ready to become someone else’s submissive. If you have issues that are best talked out in therapy, seek professional help. Get all those feelings worked out so that you can focus on your new life and accept your past for what it is; your past.
Let bad friendships and self-destructive relationships with others go. Move away from them, stop associating with them and let them know that you are moving your life in a new direction and feel that they may drag you back into a life you don’t want. It will be hard but worth it in the end. Get those ex lovers out of your life for good! You don’t need them hanging around causing strife. Your new life ahead has no room for ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybe s/he’s changed’ thoughts.
Now that you’ve let go of past relationships it’s time to drop the expectations based on your past. Your future relationships are not just like the others. You can’t expect them to be anything like what you’ve had before. Why? Because if you assume they will be like you’ve had you are destined to doom them like your previous relationships were. For example, if I have had relationships where I felt neglected and alone, then I will project that in my new relationships where this may not be happening. I could end the relationship because I feel the same way or the other person could end it because being with you is too difficult. You don’t want that.
Wipe the expectations you have of a D/s relationship from your mind. Each partnership is different. They aren’t a fairy tale, a movie or a erotic book. It just doesn’t happen that way. But what you can make of your relationship is far far better. Approach your future relationships with a clear slate and an organized life. You’ll be glad you did.
Thoughts to Ponder
1. Looking at yourself, what personal baggage would you be bringing into a new relationship?
2. When you think of it, what can you do now to organize your life and make it simpler or easier to manage?
3. If you have all your emotional baggage taken care of, do you know of someone who could use your support to take care of their own?
Resources Online