Full Question:
Please help. I’ve been so lost since my Master’s death. I feel so incomplete. Too many decisions, where’s my rules, where’s my life? How do I maintain my structure? I don’t know where to start, end or if I’m running in circles.
Answer:
I’m so sorry to hear of the death of your partner. Feeling lost during grief is a natural reaction. When your Dominant dies, you can feel like your world is imploding. But you can do small things to help you feel like you have some order in your current situation.
You start by allowing grief to go at its own pace. Your feelings are normal, and you won’t be able to figure out which direction you should go until you are ready. Grief is heavy, and you can’t control it. You can only feel it and whatever emotions that come with it.
When you are ready, you may find comfort in continuing to do your rules and the established structure of the relationship if it feels right for you. Create ways to check in with your rules, whether that’s a checklist or if you award yourself a gold star sticker every day for completing at least half of your rules/tasks. Writing in a journal can be helpful also, whether that be writing to your partner or to yourself. At least short-term, maintaining a routine can help you feel in control of something in your life while your heart feels out of control.
Seek support from your friends, family, and potentially a professional about your loss. You may feel all alone, but even if your friends or family didn’t know of your power exchange, they knew you were partners and could support you that way. If someone reaches out to you and asks if there is anything you need, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It could be something as simple as having them pick up some food or come sit with you and watch some TV. Let people help you.
I wish I had the right words; just know there are people who care about you.