One of the hardest things for me to learn is that TRAITS, such as personality traits, physical characteristics, and preferences in ideal dynamics, are not inherently good or bad, Dominant or submissive, right or wrong. Why is this true? Because there are just as many ways of doing WIITWD (what it is that we do) as there are practitioners who do it.
Some partners/potential Dominants will prefer a very soft, mild-mannered submissive who loves to acquiesce as much as possible; they may view it as obedience. Some (like my Sir) prefer a strong-willed and outspoken submissive; they may view it as a challenge or easier to get honest feedback from. These are all PREFERENCES. We all have a right to them.
So I’d drop the notion of good vs bad and instead start asking, “Am I CLEARLY COMMUNICATING with my (future) partner(s) exactly who I GENUINELY am as a submissive? Am I reflecting enough about my true, idealized relationships and my true, idealized self to convey that to another person? Am I living as my most AUTHENTIC SELF?” Once you can say all of this affirmatively, it becomes about representing exactly that to find the right D/s dynamic for you.
There is an old saying that “every lid has a pot,” and I think this is true here. Is a submissive having a strong opinion, and/or limits, and/or a desire to negotiate on some things and not negotiate on others, a good thing? Well, pot, you just need to find the right lid to top you.
There will be someone out there who appreciates your most authentic self, so it is best to go into the world as you know yourself, with your standards in place, constantly communicating honestly, and waiting until you find that partner. It is far better to be alone, enjoying life as your fabulous self, rather than spend time with somebody who doesn’t value the real YOU.
Submissive Guide celebrates folks daring to explore their submissive identity.
