Hi
I need some help, please. I am in a relationship, have been with him for over 2 years. In the bedroom he has always been dominant, I am submissive by nature, and until recently when we discussed our relationship I thought we were doing things that satisfied both of us. At new years we talked about him wanting more in the bedroom, things we hadn’t yet tried. I was totally down for all that he mentioned. With a few limitations, as I am 8 months pregnant. The problem is, he says that he feels like it’s a one-way street, that I never instigate in the bedroom, and now he seems uninterested altogether. Every time I ask him what he would like me to do, it becomes more of an argument. I’m not sure how to show him that I want to be everything he wants me to be.How do I as a sub, instigate, without begging?
Sorry if that was long-winded, hope it made sense.
Thanks for your help, Jen
I completely understand the frustration, I’m terrible at initiating play and sex myself. But I do have some advice for you that maybe you haven’t thought about.
Initiating play and being spontaneous in the bedroom is not a Dominant thing. It’s a couples thing. Both people can do it. When you flirt and tease your partner it’s because you are sexually attracted to them and want to have fun, treat it as searching for mutual pleasure.
Try to put yourself in his place. Your partner never initiate play or sex, they may show some slight interest, but your partner always waits for you to initiate. Do you start feeling like they aren’t that into you? Do you start questioning your sexual attraction to them? Do you stop initiating yourself? It’s a downward slope.
Being submissive does not mean you can’t initiate. It’s quite alluring when the submissive flirts and teases the Dom for play or sex. I don’t think you’d disagree that it’s hot to know that your partner wants you and has just come up and whispered in your ear that they want to do naughty things to do in the bedroom.
As you can see from my opinion, there is no begging. I don’t know why you’d need to beg, in this situation – he’s looking for you to take charge of your own sexual desires and share them with him instead of waiting for him to prompt you to action.
I too have the same idea that if I just ask him what he wants me to do that will make it work, after all, he’s still asking for what he wants in a sideways manner, right? No. He wants you to have the desire to do things with him. Ask him if you can give him a blowjob or an intimate massage. What sorts of things does he enjoy during play or sex? Do them without asking. Or if you must ask, then put on your husky telephone voice and say it with a smile on your face.
I think a lot of submissives feel that it isn’t their place to ask for anything – but how can a relationship move forward if only one person is doing the asking?