Some of the insane talk coming from online communities all the time is that you can’t be submissive without a Dominant (or can’t be slave without a Master). This can cause quite a confusion for novice submissives who are learning more about themselves and can even dash your dreams.
Okay, so I understand why people think this way. That in order to serve you have to have someone to serve. But, if you’ve read any of Submissive Guide, you’ll know that I ascribe to the opinion that submissive is a personality trait. It’s not something that is only active when in a relationship.
Unlike the fact that you can’t be a wife without a husband, being submissive isn’t a title. Either you have it in your or you don’t. I am submissive and thrive in situations where I can serve – no matter where that occurs.
How do you feed your submissive desires without a Dominant?
It takes some thought, that’s for sure. You’ll have to do some of the “domming” for yourself. I suggest you start with a personal protocol. A personal protocol is a set of rules with a punishment/reward system that any submissive can use to help improve yourself and your submission. The use of a protocol like this will help you set some reachable goals and keep you focused on what makes you feel good about yourself. I use one myself on a few things at a time. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t. What it does help is invaluable to my service though.
You can also take every opportunity for helping and serving others as a way to serve yourself and your community. If you attend a church group, volunteer your time. See if a nursing home wouldn’t mind if you visited once a week. Give your time and in return, you will be pleasing others. This can do a lot to boost your submissive focus.
If you can’t get out into the community you can still do at home. Take care of the house in a way you think would be pleasing. Never leave it in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome). You can also develop routines and rituals that are specifically for focusing your personal submission. When I was single I had a before bed routine that involved kneeling and placing my forehead on the floor. During this time I would reflect on the day and remember points where my submissive nature was strongest. It helped me reaffirm that even though I go to bed alone, I am still preparing myself for the one who will invite me into his bed someday.
Sometimes the submissive needs you have can not be overcome or cared for without someone else. It is in these cases that I strongly recommend you become a regular at BDSM support groups and munches. There are Dominants that understand your need when you have it and are willing to be your service Top to help calm your needs. This can be a session at a play party or a casual meet up, with a safe call, to do something more intimate.
Embracing your single submissiveness is a strong and empowering trait. Far too many submissives feel that they have to fall on their knees to the first Dominant that shows them his giant…. ego. It’s not true. You can live a fulfilling singlehood if you remind yourself that there is much to do before you are ready to accept someone’s control of you.