A slave I admire wrote a blog on how she felt she had changed since she met her Master. She wanted to go back to the more outgoing, social being she had been before she met Him. After all, she pointed out, this was what had attracted Him to her in the first place. This made me ponder about how we change for our Masters/ Dominants. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Could we lose ourselves in the process of becoming a better submissive/ slave? Or, could we lose what attracted the Dominant to us in the first place?
A Dominant can be many things to a sub: teacher, leader, playmate, partner and more. One thing that many Dominants seem to have in common is their wish to ‘make a mark’ on the submissive (pun intended). Some Dominants seem to want to shape the submissive’s personality to their own design.
Change is not always because the Dom is trying to mold the sub, either. Sometimes, the submissive tries to shape herself due to wanting to be a ‘better’ submissive or ‘better’ slave to her Master. I often struggle to the point of frustration at being ‘better’ in various ways. This usually ends up with a note from my Master reiterating His philosophy. “All you have to do is be willing to submit. It doesn’t matter if you fail or succeed. What I do with it after is up to Me.”
According to my Master, the role of the Dominant is to provide a safe environment for the sub to express his or her submissiveness and be able to grow. The role of the sub is to provide a safe environment for the Dominant to express His or Her Dominance and be able to grow. From there, you must decide what it means for you to ‘grow’. This journey in submission is, to me, about finding myself and expressing myself. ‘Finding myself’ would be my equivalent to ‘growing’.
As you can see on Submissive Guide, there are many wonderful posts about learning new skills and exploring new ideas. Many of these are learned in order to be better submissives for our Dominants and Masters. But when our Masters are leading us down the garden path, how do we know that this is the path that we want to take? I recommend that as a submissive you take some time once in a while to reflect on your journey. Does it feel right? Are you happy with their journey? Is there something missing? Can the missing thing be achieved on your current path? If not, can it be achieved in your current relationship, or do you need to make some decisions about a new direction?
These are tough questions to ask. For many, the journey is not just about play. We are committing our hearts, souls, and bodies to serve someone. We are often subduing our own characters in order to submit to another. But, perhaps we can submit without being ‘subdued’ about it. We can be vivacious, outgoing, and colorful, and still, honor our Doms. After all, what was it that attracted Him to you in the first place? My Master first saw me dressed in red. Early in our relationship, He suggested that I wear black or less colorful clothes to parties and munches as a sub was not supposed to outshine her Master. After many discussions and some rather fun fashion shows, my Master decided that a colorful sub who looks her best shows honor to her Master. He sealed this thought by collaring me with a gorgeous red collar.
My Dom is my leader, but when we aren’t playing He generally chooses a more gentle way to guide me. Sometimes I wish it was even more gentle, but I am a person who does not like change, and sometimes has to be pushed. During the past few years, I have learned to hunt, to plow my own laneway, to ride a snowmobile and ATV, and to use a Mac computer. I have learned to process and eroticize pain, orgasm control, and have learned the value of fun. Oh, not to forget the proper way to make Master’s coffee. I have had two wonderful dogs grace my life because of Him. I am more independent than I have ever been in my life. I am also more dependent on His guidance and caring and wisdom. We have had heartache and trauma, but right now when I reflect, I choose to continue skipping down the garden path behind my Master, to see where we will end up.
Have you experienced change because of your Master’s guidance? Do you feel this change is a good or bad direction for you to take? Please let us know in the comments below.