How many times have you heard a submissive say how he/she loves to be told they are a “good girl/boy” by their dominant? Yet how many times have any of them been able to pin point the why of the effect it has on them? What is it about those words from their dominant that differs from […]
Super-Ego And The Good Girl Read More »
“Safe spaces require that we appreciate and respect the vulnerability of others and grace it with our own.” – Christen Killick Good communication is the cornerstone for a great relationship, whether in a Dominant/submissive dynamic or not. When you’ve been at this for a while, you don’t have to think much about it because it
Creating a Safe Space: Enhancing Communication in D/s Relationships Read More »
My dominant, Grimly, and I are in a long distance relationship of 200 miles and have been since we commenced our relationship in 2005. To be honest, I never really planned on having a long distance relationship it just so happened that the dom I ended up being attracted to was that far away and
Going the Distance – How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship Read More »
The world is full of automatic responses that people use to common questions. One of the most common questions among submissives is “Why do you submit?” and what’s the response 9 times out of 10? “To please him.” Sure it’s a selfless response, but is it always the best answer and perhaps not the most
Why “Pleasing Him” Isn’t Always Good Enough Read More »
Let’s start off with me telling you that I do have tattoos. I have one on my ankle that I haven’t looked at in a while and hope has faded (the name of a once love), my children s initials on my back that actually spell out BLT yes I’ve heard all the jokes! I
You Tattooed What on Your Ass? – Rational Thinking about Relationship Tattoos Read More »
I’ve been struggling with my submission recently. It’s been a difficult and painful experience for both KnyghtMare and myself. I’ve been resisting my natural desires to serve and obey and become questioning and testy. As I try to say as much as possible, I’m not a perfect submissive and I have issues like many of
How Making a Cup of Coffee Centers Me Read More »
Being a domestic submissive, one of my main purposes is to keep the house neat at all times. This task is not always so easy, especially when you hate doing them. I’ve never been much of a cleaner; Cleaning has always been on the bottom of my to-do list. Once a week I would spend
Domestic or Dreadful: Your Journey to Domestic Satisfaction Read More »
They want submission but no emotional connection. Is conditional emotional attachment enough? Is He Emotionally Not Available, or Just Not Available? It is possible that emotional availability is not the problem at all — it’s just plain availability. All of us have busy lives these days. He probably has a job; he might have family
What to Do When Your Dominant is Not Emotionally Available Read More »
Parties are a ‘rite of passage’ for some in the BDSM community. How do you find one? What can you expect? And most importantly (for me) what on earth can you wear? Where do you find a party? The most popular place now is the event listings on FetLife. You can browse through ‘events near
Let’s Party! Finding Local Play Parties Read More »
Ever since I entered “the lifestyle,” I have strived to attend as many educational demos as possible. My local dungeon, The Red Chair, offers a monthly educational demo on a wide variety of topics. Since I have always believed that we should never stop learning and teaching, I make an effort to attend those demos
The Returning a Collar After a Break Up Read More »
The reality of long-distance relationships, or any non-live-in relationship, is that you will have to handle periods of absence. It’s a painful and bitter reminder that you are not together and that your desires for each other have to go unquenched. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get through them with a few coping techniques.
Handling Absence in a Long-Distance Relationship Read More »
There once was a time when I would have turned my nose up to bootblacking (gasp). And the germaphobe in me would have been mortified at the sheer thought of placing my lips or any other parts of my face on a pair of boots. Yet, I sit here today reflecting on my first boot
A Personal First: Bootblacking and Boot Worship Read More »
Every day I’m exposed to or learn about another kink or fetish that I was not aware of. It’s a wonderful and fascinating experience that continues to expand my education and curiosity. Just as when we were very young and asked our parents, “what’s that?” constantly, I’m like a child growing and developing opinions on
Your Kink is Not My Kink and That’s Okay Read More »
This is a guest post by fuzzyP. I’ve put this question off long enough. It’s one of those questions that can cause a person to take a long, uncomfortable look at oneself, and I don’t know too many people who like doing that. My answer may not be quite what you expect. Men are strong,
Is Male Submission a Form of Weakness? Read More »
In the fall of 2006, my relationship with KnyghtMare was on the rocks. I was battling with submission and what it meant for my life with him. He was changing and growing more into his role. I think that we clashed because we just weren’t prepared for the changes in each other. I got in
When He Removes The Collar: The 3 R’s to Get You Back on Your Feet Read More »
In this last post in the pain management series, we’ll talk about the false edge, limits and the true edge. I hope you’ve enjoyed this series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it for you. Over the course of the previous posts, we’ve hopefully learned how the body processes pain, the benefits of pain processing
Processing Pain in Play: Overcoming the False Edge Read More »
Continuing on the topic of processing pain we come to a very basic question, “What’s the benefit of this pain, anyway?” If you aren’t a masochist this can be a question with no clear answer. Some say, “it is part of submission,” others “to please their Sadistic Top,” and still others can say, “the benefits
Processing Pain in Play: What is the Benefit of Pain, Anyway? Read More »
This is a continuing of the series on pain processing. If you want to read previous essays, check the first in the series on natural pain processing. Pain processing is natural to a certain extent. For some people—boys more than girls—an additional degree of pain processing is taught from a very early age, but not always
Processing Pain in Play: Learning a Processing Technique Read More »
We are nearing the end of this series on pain processing in play. What do you think can interrupt your pain processing ability? If you’ve experienced anything like I have, there are moments where you just can’t change the pain response to anything beyond pain. What normally feels really good is just not. There are
Processing Pain in Play: What Can Interrupt or Block Pain Processing? Read More »
I’m continuing the discussion on processing pain in play today. If you missed yesterday’s post, you’ll want to read about Negative Pain Management Techniques first. If you want to go back to the beginning you can do that too. Now that we’ve learned the negative ways we manage pain during play I’d like to cover a couple of the
Processing Pain in Play: Positive Pain Management Techniques Read More »
