Since late 2008 FetLife has proven itself to be a valuable resource for those persons looking for kink advice and learning all about fetishes they may not have ever considered. It’s also a good place to make friends with local people and organize events. But since the search capacity is limited it can be very difficult to find
How to Use FetLife to Broaden Your BDSM Learning Read More »
I’ve talked about safewords here before. I believe they are very important for new relationships and when new activities are being introduced. A stop word is a break in the play; one that typically halts play completely, but can also be one where slowing down is the direction. Yes there are people who don’t use safewords and
Use Your Safeword Without Guilt – You Are NOT a Bad Sub For Needing It Read More »
The Ready-Made Submissive. This is a phenomenon that I am seeing pop up around the BDSM community. Why is this becoming prevalent? What exactly is a ready-made submissive? How can we, as a submissive, not fall into the pitfall of this? This is what I am going to talk about, and, hopefully, help you to
The Ready-Made Submissive Read More »
Aftercare is an elusive beast. Sometimes I need it and sometimes I’d rather be left alone. I’m never very sure which mood I’ll be in when we begin playing but aftercare is always on standby because I take what happens in scene very hard. It goes with my very emotional self. What exactly is aftercare? Reading some
The Question of Aftercare: What is It, Do You Need It and How to Ask For It (And Get It) Read More »
Monogamy isn’t dead. It is still the leading form of relationship in D/s and SM relationships, no matter what someone else might tell you. Human nature dictates that we aren’t wired for long term fidelity, but so many of us are perfectly fine in one partner for all time relationship. You can still look for monogamy if
Is Monogamy a Dying Trend? The Rise of Poly in BDSM Relationships Read More »
One thing I have learned from my experience as a submissive and my encounters with submissives and slaves all over the place has been the importance of taking things slowly. At one time or another, we all tend to rashly jump into a D/s relationship without really knowing the Dominant that we are surrendering to.
The Importance of Taking Your Time Exploring Submission Before Starting a Relationship Read More »
It’s easy to fall in love, but hard to find the right person to catch you. ~ @iam_jhurlz Dominants the world over are unique and different – just like we are. And when you are on the look out for the one to partner with it can get overwhelming. The qualities to look for in a
The Outline of a Good Compatible Dominant Read More »
The past month has been a busy month for me, as I prepared and delivered my first presentation at an event. Before this I had never given more than a planned speech in college, and this was a new and exciting experience for me. It didn’t come without it’s ups and downs however. During the
How an Outline Aligned My Submission and What You Can Learn From Your Own Outline Read More »
Virginity. It’s valued and prized and then remembered. There are even people who believe in a second virginity. Of course, there are also BDSM virgins when people just get started. But, the question I got posed to me the other day was if you are a sexual virgin can you even know that you are
Virgins Can Love BDSM Too: How Sexual Preference Doesn’t Have to Involve Sex Read More »
When your body overloads on adrenaline or endorphins you can reach a high that many call subspace. It doesn’t happen to everyone, nor does it happen every single time you play. Sometimes it can happen if you are in an erotic exchange but not playing. You need to know what you should and shouldn’t do
Entering Sub Space Do’s and Don’ts Read More »
Music always has a place in play for setting the right mood. We all have our own preferences but here are three playlists that I go back to again and again. Romance Soft Play and Bondage Below are groups that I find have a wide variety of sounds that are great for bondage and softer
3 BDSM Scene Music Playlists For The Dungeon and Bedroom Read More »
Disclaimer: This essay is not about when you encounter or find out your Dominant is cheating, but rather an agreement in place that your Dominant can play with others. About three years ago KnyghtMare and I had a discussion about opening the relationship up for SM play with others. From what I am exposed to
Novice submissives all over trying to find a Dominant to be with. I’ve talked with so many that value some experience in their Dominant choices but what of novice Dominant? Are drive and desire not enough? Are they left to their own devices? I recommend everyone give a moment to think about the value in
What Novice Dominants Really Want in a More Experienced Submissive Read More »
…and why you should stop fussing about it. I’ve been reminded again today as I lay about sick with a snazzy summer flu of feeling like a failure or useless that I can’t serve him and even worse when he brings me my medicine and tucks me in bed for another afternoon nap. So, I
8 Reasons Why Your Dominant Takes Care of You When You Are Sick Read More »
“Are you kinky?” he asked as he leaned in for a kiss. “What? Um… no, I don’t think so. Am I?” The word kinky is not exactly a clear term to define. It is a word that means different things depending on the context but maybe we can come up with a basic definition and
Everything You Need to Know About Being Kinky Read More »
Well, you did it. You finally took the steps necessary-you found a munch, made friends, joined a dungeon and it happened. You fell in love. Not with a certain someone, but with your community. It happens to a lot of us lifestylers. We immerse ourselves in our dungeon, our dungeon friends, “our world.” Then, we
Have a BDSM Community Spirit You Can Be Proud Of Read More »
I’ve been writing about submission here for a long time. I do my best to give a positive image to submission for those who are new and learning about BDSM and possibly wanting to explore it with their current of future partners. There’s nothing wrong with the way I write and have been prompted on
Submission is Not All Sunshine and Puppies: The Realities of Submission Read More »
When KnyghtMare started developing desires for play that I wasn’t interested in or wasn’t capable of there was a fear in the pit of my stomach. I was afraid that he would leave me for someone else that wanted to do these things. I felt very insecure about my place in his life and was
Every Submissive’s Worst Fear: When Your Dominant Wants to Play with Others Read More »
I’d commented on a thread recently on the topic of what makes a good dominant here on fetlife and I’ve been thinking about it a little more since then as I have had personal experience of both good and bad doms first hand and from stories and the experiences of friends also. Of course not everyone has the
What Makes a Good Dominant? Read More »
For the service submissive, one who gets their pleasure from serving in some capacity it’s nice to have a section of your library reserved for books that can help you with improving and utilizing new methods to make your service more complete. I’d love to hear your suggestions for books to include in a service
The Best Resources for a Submissive’s Service Library Read More »
