Everyone started here at some point or another. You may even be at this point right now. Brand new to BDSM, D/s or both and not sure what you would like in a relationship, the bedroom, with kink…. anything. And then you meet people online or face to face that asks you right off the […]
How Do I Know What I Like? I’m Brand New Read More »
As the first in a series of articles focusing on male submission, this article presents thoughts about one of the archetypes of male submission, the “worm.” Men and women are different, of course, and in some cases that goes beyond the obvious physical characteristics. Almost all of the articles on The Submissive Guide are valid
Male Submission – The Worm Read More »
Working outside the home is a requirement for most submissives in D/s relationships. Not everyone gets to be a stay at home submissive. We have family and kids, mortgages and debt to pay. Working is a part of living. But work does not have to be our life. It’s a struggle to change your power
5 Ways to Stop Thinking of Work When You Come Home to Your Dominant Read More »
Entering into a D/s relationship where you will have rules and behaviors expected of you is a daunting proposition for many submissives. How do you remember all of the rules? How do you remain accountable when you aren’t in the same place as your Dominant? It’s not an instant shift in mindset, but you eventually
Are They In Your Head Yet? – Listening to Your Internal Dom Read More »
Some of the first advice that I give to someone wanting to get off the computer and into the local community is to attend a munch. But at the same time, I know that attending a munch is a scary proposition. You will be meeting people you don’t know that are into kinky things, and
Don’t I Know You From Somewhere? – Encountering People You Know at a Munch Read More »
I was talking with a friend of mine awhile ago and she said something that really piqued my attention. She was telling me about her boyfriend and how upset she is over the fact that he won’t chase after her. They had some kind of argument and stormed out of the apartment. She got in
The Chase is On – Communicating Openly With Your Dominant Read More »
Disclaimer: I do not have children nor are they in my future. The post below discusses the issue of deciding to have children for a variety of reasons besides a natural progression of wanting them, having a partner that wants them and then working towards that end. When KnyghtMare and I got married one of
To Have Children Or Not, Now THAT is a Question Read More »
I’ve been involved with local and regional BDSM groups since I first learned about BDSM in 2003. You get to meet a lot of people during events and some of them have quirks and perversions that you’ve never heard of. You’ll meet white collar, blue collar and poverty stricken people in the same room enjoying
Rule #1 – Don’t Touch Anything Without Permission Read More »
This is a guest post by Red Vinyl Kitty. You can read about her life as a slave kitty at Sub Mission. I was approached by LunaKM a few months ago to write a guest post for her blog. I do not usually do guest posts, but she wanted me to write one about my new
Bootblacking and Why I Love It Read More »
Picture this: it’s Valentine’s Day and you have a romantic evening planned for you and your honey. How do you prepare yourself and your bedroom for a night of passion and bliss? Do you light candles, lower the overhead lights, play soft, alluring music, perhaps use incense? Maybe you even spread rose petals on the
When I was twenty, I met my first dominant in person. I was extremely excited and nervous about this because for months before meeting in person, we had talked a great deal through emails, online chatting services, and phone calls. The weekend he and I had planned to meet was over Memorial Day weekend. This
Your Right to Choose-Feminism and the Lifestyle Read More »
The many lessons in life can be picked up in some of the most unusual places. The other day I was watching my cats and had a sudden realization that they way they live could have lessons for me and my submission if I wanted to see them. The truth is that you can pick
Everything I Know About Submission I Learned from My Cat Read More »
Imagine this; you are playing and happily enjoying what is going on between the two of you. As the scene continues you start to feel pushed to your limit, but you continue to play. Then, almost without warning, you hit a wall and (hopefully) safeword. You’ve just hit a limit. It could be a temporary
What To Do When You Encounter Limits Mid Scene Read More »
Like the vanilla world we live in, the kinky world is full of labels. And if you want to stir up a heated discussion, bring up “labels.” It is pretty hard to have a room full of people, talking about labels without someone getting upset. And rightfully so. A lot of people feel that labels
Labels – Yet Another “L” Word Read More »
So far, my time in the lifestyle has been one that involved several mentorships. A few times I was the one learning and a few times I was the one passing on the knowledge. But, in all of those times, I also took away far more than I gave. I think that happens – when
Mentorships – What to Do Before the Process Begins Read More »
Jealousy. At one time or another we all have felt it. Handling jealousy when it comes to our partners is a trait we all should have, but many don’t. We get spiteful, possessive and plain horrible when we feel jealousy rear it’s green pointy head. Some people are more prone to feelings of jealousy than
Tearing Down the Green-Eyed Monster – Handling Jealousy Read More »
On the heels of “50 Shades of Grey” fame, there are a lot of new and curious people exploring BDSM than there has been in a long time. For the many people who encounter this site through a search, they may have their fantasies dashed by reading about the internal work and powerful submissives that
Separating Fantasy from Reality – Using Erotic Novels to Find Truth Read More »
Sometimes it is difficult to find balance when there is so much going on in your life. It is important, however, to find some compromise within yourself because otherwise, you may become stressed out. No one wants to be stressed out if they can help it. I know I don’t like that feeling. Balance can
Struggling to Find Balance in a Stressful Life Read More »
BDSM and Sex Sex and BDSM They do not have to go together, did you know that? While much of what we do in the bedroom can be considered sexual or sensual in nature it does not mean that you have to engage in sexual contact during play. Oftentimes during negotiation people will forget the
Why BDSM and Sex are Not Always Connected Read More »
“ If you’re angry, take deep breaths. If you’re really angry, swear.” – Mark Twain My friend says on her blog, “Anger and I are old friends.” This is why I like her blog so much because she is very realistic. You’ll probably see a lot of submissives say that they never get angry at their
Dealing With Anger As a Submissive Read More »
