When a novice submissive first learn about BDSM or D/s power exchange it can be a scary place. The first thing I like to help these novices learn is about safety mantras, particularly the widely accepted Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC. What is SSC? It’s a credo that people in the BDSM community use
Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) Read More »
I didn’t realize I had Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) until I was an adult. I started to type, “I didn’t realize I was OCD,” but I am not the embodiment of a mental diagnosis. I have a mental diagnosis. There’s a difference. When I was growing up, OCD was defined as being attracted to certain numbers, and repeating acts like
Kink and Mental Health: Temporary Relief Read More »
Just because a person also loves having sex while rolling in jello does not mean they are compatible with you. That’s right, I just said it. You’ve searched the world over for someone interested in the same kinky things you are and when you found one, I’m telling you to hold it right there a
A Person is Not Their Kink: Jumping Into Bed With the Wrong Person Read More »
This is a guest post by moonlight. No matter how you choose to go about it, kinky or vanilla, we want to keep our fun-loving activities away from our children. However, by their very nature, children are curious little people who can have quite the sneaky side and don’t like missing what everyone is up
What’s That Sound? Discreet BDSM Play and Hiding Toys from Children Read More »
When we learn about pain processing in relation to play and scenes with our sadist partner it’s always a good idea to understand negative processing methods. The things that make handling pain and enjoying longer sessions harder and sometimes impossible. Hopefully, you’ve learned about your own negative methods in the previous video. Today we’ll talk
Learning About Positive Pain Processing Methods Read More »
I went to a local kink event and as an icebreaker, the host asked everyone to say what kind of animal they relate to. When I said I relate to a lioness, I got a ton of strange looks. I suppose it makes sense. As a submissive, it might not seem like I’d relate to
I Am Submissive–Hear Me Roar! Read More »
You’re sitting at your computer (or tablet, or phone) right now and have wondered for some time about going to a BDSM munch or a party or convention but are afraid that you don’t fit into the image you have in your head of who really is into BDSM. You’ve seen the porn on Kink.com
You Don’t Have to Be a Porn Star or Fashion Model to Participate in BDSM Read More »
Recently I heard something in the midst of a talk about obedience that just made me stop and really think for a moment – and I mean deep thought too! Delayed obedience becomes immediate disobedience; partial obedience is complete disobedience. Yes, my mind had to reflect on the matter of obedience. Honestly, I can’t say
Obedience: A Slavey Meditation Read More »
Whenever I frequent online groups, a common theme in them is telling the person asking a question to not be a doormat. Rarely do we ever get a description of what a doormat submissive is or how to prevent becoming one (or even if the person is actually a doormat submissive). There are many misconceptions of what
8 Ways You Might Be a “Doormat” Submissive and How to Stop Read More »
I’ve been in relationships before. I know how they should work, or at least I think I do. Sometimes I wonder if everyone has forgotten how things are supposed to work just because they are in a D/s relationship instead of a vanilla one. Many of the questions on social networking for kinky people stems
4 Things You Should Not Put Up With Just Because They Are a Dominant Read More »
“She was afraid, however, that she hadn’t pleased him. She searched her mind for faults. She had obeyed all his commands, and he understood how difficult it was for her. He knew completely what it meant for her to be stripped naked and revealed to everyone, to be helpless and made public and that this
Am I Trying Hard Enough? Learning How to Make the Most of Your Inner Submissive Voice Read More »
If you ask any sadist what they enjoy out of pain play, it’s likely going to be watching the bottom respond to the pain. The more response, the higher the enjoyment for the top. Why is this important? Well, if the method of pain management doesn’t allow you to respond well to the pain, then
Learning About Negative Pain Processing Methods Read More »
“I want my Dominant to spank me more.” “How can I tell him I need more praise and approval without topping from the bottom?” “I need more attention, how can I tell him without being pushy?” “Can I tell him I love him and still be submissive? “How do I tell him that my needs
How To Ask for More Without Being a Pushy Submissive Read More »
Given that it’s February and the world around us has been saturated with heart-shaped balloons, greeting cards, and overly expensive roses, I thought it might be a good time to discuss one way of seeing a D/s relationship. Does this apply to every D/s relationship? Certainly not. D/s relationships are like zebras; no two look the
Domifriends: The Best of Both Worlds Read More »
KnyghtMare and I get lost in romance sometimes. The love we have for each other manifests in affection, mushy moments where we can only say how much we love each other and that overwhelming sense of joy that comes from a strong romance. For us romance is a part of our M/s relationship. Without knowing
What a Romantic Dominant/submissive Relationship Looks Like Read More »
Everyone you meet has different methods for how they handle pain. Think about the last time your stubbed your toe. How did you respond to the pain? Did you jump up and down? Curse? Cry? Hold your breath? Walk it off? How you handle pain is a result of nature and nurture. Perhaps as you
Understanding Natural Pain Processing Techniques for Better BDSM Play Read More »
As a novice looking for a relationship it is a good thing to know if discipline and punishment are something you are looking for. The punishment I’m talking about today is the correction for infractions, or getting into trouble. It’s not about the playtime activities which can be called punishment also. So, thinking about your
Why A Punishment Dynamic May be Just What You Need Read More »
Originally published April 9, 2011 on Fearless Press when I was a guest author there. From an early age, I would look into the mirror and see only the things I wish I could change; from the dimple in my chin, my growing belly and fat arms to my round face, huge jiggly ass. Then I didn’t
Seeing a Desirable Me: Learning Body Confidence through the Fingers of a Lover Read More »
“To err is human. To forgive is divine.” The start of a new year is a very popular time for resolutions and goals, but it’s also a great time for letting go of the past and letting bygones be bygones. In theory, it’s a great idea. Who doesn’t want a fresh start to the New
A Submissive’s New Year’s Resolutions: Letting Go and Offering Forgiveness Read More »
You are in trouble and waiting for corporal punishment. You are anxious, sad, depressed, frustrated about the whole thing but you know that you did something wrong and need to atone for it to get on the right path again. No one likes getting punished (at least you shouldn’t), so what happens if, as the
What to Do When Punishment Starts to Feel Good Read More »
