My partner and I just went through the strenuous process of apartment hunting and I realized along the way, that there are many similarities between apartment hunting and hunting for a compatible partner. These similarities are applicable both in vanilla and kinky relationships, but I believe, they are more pronounced in kink. When you begin […]
How Searching for a Compatible Partner is Like Apartment Hunting Read More »
A common misunderstanding that people who are new to the scene seem to have is that kink and sex are indistinguishable from each other: if something kinky ensues, something sexy is sure to follow. The reality is, however, that the two can, and sometimes should be separated. This is especially true if the participants in
When Kinky isn’t Sexy Read More »
Using a dating site to find a partner that is interested in power exchange and BDSM is a difficult prospect. Many people abandon mainstream sites in hopes that kink social networks and other forums will provide them with a partner that is compatible and looking for the same kind of relationship. I feel that the
The Secrets to Writing a Successful BDSM Dating Profile Read More »
Do submissives really get to have a voice? This article explores how to speak up with honesty and respect in a D/s relationship while avoiding “speaking out.” Learn how sharing your needs and feelings strengthens trust, communication, and your dynamic with your Dominant.
Finding Your Submissive Voice: Speak Up for Better, Honest Communication Read More »
Recently I was in a discussion about safewords, but it wasn’t the usual definitions and whether they are truly useful so I thought I’d work though my thoughts on it here and share it with you. The question that was presented was whether safewords should be allowed during punishment and if they weren’t was that considered abuse. A lot of good
Safewords During Disciplinary Punishment: Yay or Nay? Read More »
Over the past few months, my life has been a whirlwind of obligations, setbacks, injuries, working with an aging parent, and apparently an abundance of emails… ‘Life happened’ all over my perfectly scheduled routine and pristinely managed emotions. In the vanilla world ‘life’ is expected to happen – meaning, we expect the unexpected because that’s
M/s and When Life Happens: Unexpected Happenings Read More »
Do you feel addicted to your Dominant when you’re apart? You’re not alone. This article explores why submissives can experience obsession, longing, and withdrawal, and how love chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine play a role. Find reassurance and perspective on whether your intense feelings are healthy and normal.
I Feel Addicted to My Dominant, Is This Normal? Read More »
We were conversing over Skype. It was late on her end and not so late on mine. We were talking about the distance between us, again. I’d just come back from seeing her in person for the first time, and we were sharing our surprise at how much we missed each other only days later.
Eight Miles – Looking For a Smooth Transition for Long Distance Relationships Read More »
When I started learning about submission it had nothing to do with “lifestyle” or “relationships” or “24/7”. It was about feeding a desire. Sure, much of that was masochistic play but not all of it. So, when I met people and they were saying they were lifestyle submissives or in 24/7 relationships I looked at
Learning To Be a 24/7 Submissive Is Like… Read More »
I was never formally introduced to the bdsm world but I have always found the thought of being controlled a extreme turn on. How do I know if being a submissive is the right thing for me? And if it is, what is the best way to go about entering the lifestyle? Dear Never Formally
How Do I Know If Submission Is Right For Me? Read More »
Power exchange thrives on trust, but even trust needs safeguards. This article explores the role of checks and balances in D/s and M/s relationships, helping submissives protect themselves while surrendering fully. Learn practical ways to balance trust, safety, and vulnerability to maintain a healthy, consensual dynamic.
The Checks and Balances in Power Exchange Read More »
I’m devoting this Monday to meditation, reflection and devotion to submission. I hope to select topics that will get you thinking differently about some part of your life or submission and then just maybe grow a little bit further. If you have ideas for topics that might work for a Meditation Monday, please email me. With yet another
Learn to Love The Body You Have – Submissive Meditation Monday Read More »
This is a guest post by Mina Button. She has written for Submissive Guide previously and you can find her writing here. When I first heard about the idea of mono/poly, a relationship in which one partner is monogamous and the other partner isn’t, I thought it could never possibly work. Well, maybe it could work
Jealousy and Mono/Poly Relationships Read More »
Hi, I just experienced my first caning, it’s a thin rounded, but oh did it sting, it left welts which is fine, but next morning it is really bruised, bad. Haven’t been able to sit for the last four days… I like pain, but caning isn’t what I thought, is there anything I can do
How Can I Get Less Bruising from Caning? Read More »
One of the biggest concerns anyone who’s a Dominant or a submissive in the BDSM lifestyle has is privacy. Although living in a D/s relationship or enjoying kinky fun may be an inherent part of who we are as individuals, what we do and what we enjoy is on the fringe of what’s considered “socially
We Do Not Out Each Other: Protecting People’s Privacy Read More »
I admit that it’s been over a decade since I was in a long distance relationship, but I know that even with that thought, the complexities of a long distance relationship are still a common part of what I deal with on a daily basis in responding to emails from you. I can never forget
Tips for Developing Long Distance Relationships Read More »
This is a guest post by Tilari of ServiceSubmissive.com Service in a power exchange dynamic can be a very intense and involved experience, especially when you’re in a 24/7 dynamic and “always on.” You have a to-do list that is starting to hit triple digits, you’re pretty sure you hung the floggers up on the clothesline instead
How to Keep Yourself From Being Overwhelmed in a Service Dynamic Read More »
My husband and I have a great marriage but both of us recently opened up about our desires to explore D/s lifestyle. He wants me to be a more attentive partner, take care of His needs and explore my sexuality. I have been submissive to just about everyone my entire life, most of those situations
Mending Old Relationship Scars to Open Up to New Things Read More »
Creating a list of hard and soft limits is generally one of the first things that we as submissives do when we come the realization that we’re interested in the lifestyle. Sometimes these are long lists and sometimes they’re short, but usually, we have a good idea of the things we’re interested in, the things
Overcoming a Limit (A Reflection) Read More »
This is another post in the series about a submissive’s perspective in play. This one is on canes and caning, but I’ve also written on gags, spanking, flogging and rope bondage. My first exposure to canes was that of some amateur porn I stumbled across and it made me so terrified of canes that I vowed never to experience them.
Perspectives: Canes Read More »
