BDSM and Sex
Sex and BDSM
They do not have to go together, did you know that?
While much of what we do in the bedroom can be considered sexual or sensual in nature it does not mean that you have to engage in sexual contact during play. Oftentimes during negotiation people will forget the detail of what sort of contact is allowed and what isn’t. Or novices may think that you have to have sex to please the Dominant you just played with as “payment” for the scene.
Now, when I talk about BDSM in this article what I’m covering is the physical play activities that many engage in the bedroom, the dungeon or at play parties.
Just about every activity from flogging to spanking, wax play to tickling can be done without sex. Sure it may turn you on, but you still get to decide how far you go to care for that. After all, BDSM is about exchanging sensations and exploring your body’s responses to stimulus. It is not always sex.
Yes, it’s true that when I play with KnyghtMare it almost always ends with some form of sex. Most committed couples tend to blend the two in some way. BDSM goes well with sex. But it goes well without sex also.
When I was first exploring BDSM I decided that sexual intercourse was not going to be a part of my play. Mutual masturbation was as far as I was willing to go during BDSM play. The reason I did that was I felt sex was to be saved for a committed relationship and I was well aware that there was plenty to do that didn’t involve sex. It was my choice and every person I played with respected that limit. I never had someone balk at the request.
Play parties are also places where rules may prohibit sex or sexual contact. The play parties that I have attended vary, but if they are larger more public in venue then usually they require no penetrative sex; so no dildos, insertables, fingers or genital to genital contact. Other parties have required at least a thong worn at all times. So sex has been omitted by the venue rules and yet play still happens and from what I can see is just as enjoyable without sex.
I find that it’s less uncomfortable for novices first attending parties if there is no sex involved anyway. Oddly, for me at least, it feels more structured and clean, more protocol driven and organized than an orgy. If that makes sense. If you have never been to a play party it might be a good idea to find out what rules exist pertaining to sex before you attend.
Oh, and you do not have to play at a play party. It is first and foremost a party. Enjoy conversation, snacks and the view. Play only if you are comfortable with that and with people you have negotiated thoroughly. Relax in knowing that sex isn’t involved!
Doesn’t that relieve some stress from BDSM?
Either way, please know that you can have just as much fun with endorphins and adrenaline without the sexual contact.
What are ways that you play without sex?