Topping from the bottom has been given a bad wrap. It’s considered by many to be a faux pax for any submissive. Online communities shun and shame many people who even ask about the subject and want to know if what they did was considered wrong. Too many people tell these people that yes it was wrong even if it really isn’t.
Today I’d like to tell you that there are a few perfectly valid situations where topping from the bottom is not only necessary but welcome. That’s right, the fear of topping from the bottom doesn’t have to bring fear to the heart of a submissive.
Novice Dominant, Experienced Submissive
In a relationship where the experienced person is the bottom, it is more common and better for all if the submissive helps teach the Dominant what to expect and in some cases how to use certain implements. If you are in the situation that you know more than the Dominant about a certain play style, communicating that in negotiation may set up a case where you will be invited to help them through a scene with you. There is nothing wrong with teaching from the bottom.
First Times
Similar to the above situation, when you are about to engage in your first time with someone, be it sex or play it is okay to share with the person what turns you on. Showing and telling someone your sensitive zones and talking about how you like to be touched is not topping from the bottom. A Dominant can not read your mind. You can’t expect them to ‘just know’ how to play with you. You have to tell them. This is exactly the same in vanilla situations and I’d have to wager a really big reason why people aren’t 100% satisfied in the bedroom. Too many people expect their partner to read their mind and are too shy or afraid to tell them what would work. Don’t let that happen to you.
New Relationships
While a relationship still has that ‘ new car smell’ negotiation may take place daily. You will find yourself talking about all sorts of things, including specifics to your body and your desires. Shying away from these talks could dampen the dynamic later so open up. Being open about what you desire and need is an important part of your personal and relationship development.
Casual Play
If you meet someone just to play or accept an invitation to a play party or event it is likely that the lines of communication will remain open during the scene so that you can let them know what is and isn’t working for you. It’s common sense that unless this person has played with you a number of times, they won’t be able to read your specific body language or know when a certain action is too much. Sharing this information during a scene can help them make sure you both get what you need from the physical exchange.