What to Do When Punishment Starts to Feel Good

You are in trouble and waiting for corporal punishment. You are anxious, sad, depressed, frustrated about the whole thing but you know that you did something wrong and need to atone for it to get on the right path again. No one likes getting punished (at least you shouldn’t), so what happens if, as the punishment happens, you start to enjoy it?

You are not alone. Submissives all over have the same confusion. I have had the same thing happen to me. I should be accepting punishment for misbehavior and yet I’m getting turned on by the spanking or the evil stick that used to spell doom for my punishment and it starts to feel good. , ow what do I do? Do I stop punishment somehow and tell him? Do I just accept that punishment isn’t going to be a negative thing anymore? What does this mean to the punishment dynamic and my Dominant?

Well first, you should definitely tell your Dominant that it isn’t working the way it used to. It’s possible you may have to use a different tool or position or manner for punishment. KnyghtMare and I know that pain isn’t going to work for me unless it is swift and intense right away and ends relatively quickly. His most used punishment now has nothing to do with pain or the tools of play. It’s grounding and having privileges taken away. It sucks, but it also works.

After you’ve confessed to the change in the way you feel during punishment it’s time to discuss honestly what things you think might work better. You can volunteer things for your Dominant too – you know what you’d hate most. And these always tend to be the best punishments. You learn more from things you dread or that you absolutely hate. I met a submissive the other day that hates writing lines. She admits to being a bit obsessive compulsive and if the lines are not perfectly straight, the number of them fit exactly on a certain amount of pages and are only one line per phrase she wigs out. It’s torture for her to write them, fretting over perfection and imprinting the lines in her head in the process. Another submissive hates corner time, yet another knows that taking away her cell phone would be really drill the message home. You know what would work. Use it.

Punishment is not meant to be fun. It’s meant as a deterrent. It’s not meant to be a frequent visitor to your dynamic. So making sure that you don’t enjoy it is one way to help learn new behaviors quickly and continuing to obey the older existing rules. Yes, your Dominant makes the final decision, but as a part of your power exchange you hopefully have a time and a place to talk freely and that should include what is and isn’t working for you. It is not topping from the bottom, that age-old struggle, but being invested in your relationship and the dynamic.

If it works then you’ll continue to have a healthy dynamic that you can be proud of (except when you get into trouble, AGAIN!). Keep the punishments something you hate and you’d work harder to be a good girl or boy. Trust me. I’ve had a lot of practice on this one.