This is a six-part series all about experiencing play from the right side of the slash. It is intended to be a helpful guide for you to push yourself further in your play, to experience new things, to open your mind and body to new sensations.
I want to briefly mention safety in the beginning here. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Whether you are a newbie to all of this or decades deep into your BDSM path, remember to be aware of the risks associated with this type of play, to be sure you are playing with a partner that you can trust, and never hesitate to use an agreed upon safe word if you’d like the play to change or stop.
That said, let us dive into this part of the series:
Like orgasm control? Try forced orgasm…
Basics of orgasm control:
Orgasm control is such a sexy form of power play. There isn’t much else that can make you start feeling comfortable handing over control like handing over control of your very orgasm itself. I mean, our orgasm has belonged to us since our sexuality began, right? Now all of a sudden you are supposed to allow another person to have the say so. It is a little unnerving in the beginning.
Most orgasm control starts in one of two ways: either orgasm control as in needing permission/certain permissions met before coming or orgasm denial as in not being able to orgasm at all. It is important (as always) to have plenty of conversation before trying this out in the bedroom. There are lots of different ways to interpret orgasm control so be sure you and your Top are on the same page. You can involve fun games or challenges like trying to stay on the edge for a certain amount of time without reaching orgasm or getting a reward for waiting permission to come. The sky is the limit! There are tons of resources online (see below for some links) for getting started in orgasm control.
Caveat:
You can actually condition your body to need a signal or that other person to orgasm! Have a backup plan in place and be aware of associated risks. Nobody wants to lose their ability to orgasm! My goodness no.
Why and how to add forced orgasm?
Once you start perfecting the art of giving up control of your orgasm to another person, you can start exploring it in other ways. I want to focus on moving from taking away or holding orgasm to forcing orgasm. Because, well, lots of pushing-outside -of-comfort-zone orgasms. How dreadfully sexy!
Forced orgasm is not forcing it upon somebody unwilling (consent always of course!) but instead creating a situation where the bottom is orgasming in a way that is surprising, unconventional, or even in a way that makes them uncomfortable. This can be done with tools. I, for instance, cannot stand continued stimulation with a vibrator after having a clitoral orgasm. Once that Hitachi magic wand works its magic, tap me out. Of course, my sadist Master knows this information and will sometimes force the stimulation to continue after that first orgasm. Somehow, someway, through my screams of pain and begging for it to stop, he can get me to come again and it is a thousand times more intense.
Also, forced orgasm can be as a result of places or situations. Being required to orgasm in a room full of people at a play party, being required to wear a wireless vibrator in a public place, or being required to send pictures masturbating from the bathroom at work are all examples of this type of play.
Forced orgasm can fuel the fire of the power exchange dynamic.
Begging for even more?
I wrote here about trying out orgasm on demand, or being able to orgasm without having physical stimulation. Try it out for a really intense D/s connection of the mind and body.
Additional Submissive Guide/Dominant Guide reading on the topics at hand:
Give us some feedback in the comments to continue the discussion! Have you ever tried these types of play? How is your experience similar or different? If somebody is interested in orgasm control, what else would you suggest they try out? What other play would you like to incorporate?