Full Question: If you’re relatively new to all of this and are building a dynamic with a new dom, what is your thought on randomly and only occasionally calling the safe word for the purpose of building the trust that they will, in fact, stop?
Answer:
It’s not uncommon for submissives to want to test their partner and push the boundaries of the relationship to make sure trust exists, but it often can backfire. Perhaps you know the story of the boy who cried wolf? Using your safeword when you aren’t actually at your limit just to test your partner is problematic. Calling your safeword when you don’t need to can lead to a breach of trust, as your partner may feel betrayed and hurt when they discover you were testing them.
Trust is built over time through consistent and reliable behavior. It is important to treat trust as a precious and fragile element and avoid deliberately testing it. Since trust is crucial for a healthy relationship, pushing at its walls of it can cause it to break. By testing your Dominant’s trust, you are essentially questioning the already established trust. This can erode the foundation and make it difficult for your partner to fully trust you.
That’s right, instead of you seeing if you can trust your partner, you could degrade the trust that your Dominant has for you.
There is a way to consensually test the boundaries during playtime. Negotiate before play that you will call your safeword during the scene, and your Dom will stop. The difference between this and what you propose is that it’s a healthy way to build trust because both parties know what’s happening.
If you can’t even trust that scenario, you shouldn’t play at all.