When it comes to books, as well as bondage, I’m more of a leather-bound girl, myself. So, when my Master decided to start practicing rope bondage, I used this background as my comparison. After a few months of “bonding” over rope bondage, though, I’m pretty convinced it’s a whole different animal. Perhaps there is something to be gained from regarding it as such.
To me, bondage had always previously been a means to an end. It was like a cheat code to subspace because the degree of immobilization in my body invoked surrender from my thought processes—it required me to let go. Nay demanded it.
However, sensual or ceremonial it may have been, the placing of leather restraints was always short-lived. Buckle a few buckles, duck a few loops, and voilà! C’est fini.
Rope, contrastingly, is more of a process I formerly found exhausting and time-consuming. Yet, recently, I’ve experienced a deeper appreciation of rope, and strangely, it’s for that very reason. By sharing my changed perspective, others might find a similar appreciation for an entire subsect of our subculture.
Yes, the application of rope is slow, but there can be something very sensual, deliberate, and tantalizing about that slowness. Learning to treat rope as a journey in itself (rather than a means to a destination) has completely changed how I approach being tied. I hope if you’re struggling or frustrated with rope bondage, my offering of some alternate and renewed points of view might help you change the way you approach rope.
I’ve noticed people often shy away from learning rope (or bottoming for rope) because it takes a lot of time and practice. Just last week, a well-respected, local Master mentioned that he adored rope visually. Still, it took him some time to fully appreciate rope in practice because of the “steep learning curve.” This is a fairly common sentiment, and it’s not altogether inaccurate.
Rope is like a language. It takes some time to assimilate into a knowledge base and use “fluently.” No one should expect to be well-versed on day one, but its execution will steadily improve with practice.
There is no way around putting in the time with your partner if they are learning to tie. However, that isn’t to say that practicing bottoming for rope has to be grueling or monotonous. On the contrary, some of my most profound ventures into subspace took place between knots. My Master had committed to memory the particular applications and weavings of a chest harness and stalled to tidy up his handiwork.
Though, I might add, maybe resist the urge to “go under” if you’re not well-attuned with your partner or if your partner is entirely new to rope. Your full attention may be needed in these instances to mitigate safety concerns. Also, I don’t endorse agreeing to be tied up by just anyone you happen to meet—there should be a firm basis of trust for such a high degree of surrender. In a safe environment with mutual trust and respect, bottoming for rope can be incredibly rewarding, regardless of how advanced your partner may be.
One reason for this is that kneeling or sitting to be tied is a very deliberate act and can be meditative. And no, “deliberate” and “meditative” are not just different ways to say “boring” and “grueling”! There is ample time and space for reflection and appreciation on the part of the person being tied in the stillness required for a rope Top to immerse in their rope practice fully.
This meditative, grounding quality may be due to the “slowness” of the actual binding. It seems, in rope (compared to other activities like impact play or play piercing), there is a relative lack of blatant, fast-paced stimuli. Therefore, it becomes easier to focus on the (perhaps understated) stimuli present: the smell and texture of the rope, the subtle sheen of the fibers, the support of the floor beneath, the movements and articulations of the practitioner tying.
In psychology, conventional grounding techniques recommend the observation and conscious quantification of sensory stimuli. It is said to help quiet the mind and tether a person to the current circumstance. In rope, because there seems to be such precious little else occurring at the start, engaging in this conscious noting of stimuli is almost unavoidable. Thus, a sense of peace and well-being can be almost immediately conferred to the bottom being tied, if they are open to it.
Shifting perspective from “boredom” and “tedium” to “calm awareness” requires naught but a little redirection of attention. Boredom and monotony tend to be experienced as an “insider looking out.” In contrast, calm awareness is found as an “outsider looking in.”
When you are an “insider,” you are a bit jaded. You know all the ins and outs of your circumstance. Looking out at your surroundings can feel trite and pedestrian.
Conversely, when you are an outsider (when you view yourself as foreign or new to something), everything is more complicated and fascinating. You tend to be more curious and interested. You are not annoyed or bored by stale surroundings (as an insider would be). You are continually wrestling with and gauging your internal reactions to your experiences.
Counterintuitively enough, in this way, an outsider is almost more “a part of their experiences” than an insider. As an outsider, you feel things more vibrantly and acutely. Allowing yourself, this shift of perspective can renew the experience of bottoming for rope and make it more enjoyable.
Another point worthy of reflection is the very deliberate action of sitting to be tied, itself. Because rope does take more time to apply, you need to sit still longer than you would, for say, a consensual non-consent scene in which you were restrained simply by physical force or bodyweight. In a scene such as that, everything can happen quite quickly and dynamically. Starting in rope, you would expect to have to hold still instead of struggle and wait rather than be physically overwhelmed or surprised.
This means that the decision or commitment you make to be tied is an ongoing one. It is not a decision you made frozen in one fleeting point in time. Instead, it is a commitment that stretches over many moments strung together—one you can theoretically continue to consider for as long as you remain still there. The decision’s temporal breadth makes it a fair bit weightier, which is why sitting for rope is so intentional.
You can take that intention to “sit and stay” and internally address its meaning as another way of affirming your surrender. While bound, you can reflect on submission to your partner. Acknowledging your choice to continue submitting to them is powerful. It stands as representative of your high degree of trust in that person.
Alternatively, you might also observe how the placing of rope is also thoroughly deliberate. This profound realization can indeed topple one headlong, straight into the depths of subspace! The control and meticulousness of the rope Top’s calculated intention can make for tantalizing encounters of delayed gratification.
The practice of rope requires much attention to detail and somewhat of a calm nature, at least at the moment. Therefore, it’s easy to feel vulnerable, under scrutiny, or examined as a rope bottom. There can be a sense of— almost—objectification. Bottoms with a preference for mild humiliation, objectification, or even specific kinks like being dressed or being “used” might find some cross-over between these kinks and rope. So, if you’ve been struggling with rope, but have any of those interests, you might explore whether the practice of rope is relatable to you.
Submission, connection, and even arousal are based more on mindset than in your physicality. This is why allowing yourself to relate to rope in new ways can completely alter your attraction to it and your feelings about it. Rope might be one of the more skill-intensive areas of kink, but that doesn’t mean we should give up on it altogether. It’s easy to let old associations with a kink deflate our enthusiasm for it. Sometimes employing a more diverse perspective is all it takes to connect to that activity in a refreshed and renewed way. Whether you’ve been in a rope rut lately or you’re looking to try it out, it may help to consider that rope bondage has more to offer than immediately meets the eye.