I’m here to break the news to you about a piece of misinformation about submissives. Are you ready?
You do not have to like pain or be a masochist to be submissive.
That’s it. That piece of news right there leads to one of the largest reasons so many of you are confused. You think that you have to be into flogging and spanking and pain during sex or play when so many other people talk about it and associate submission with sadomasochism.
Submission is a personality and behavior role. It’s not related to the sexual preference of pain and masochistic desires.
It’s perfectly acceptable and, dare I say, more common to be submissive without all the kinky stuff in the bedroom. Being the supportive role in a relationship is fulfilling in and of itself for many people. There is no reason to complicate it. So, if you are submissive and think that receiving a spanking or other painful things don’t turn you on that’s okay. It doesn’t make you any less submissive than the next person.
It is not an expectation that you eventually learn to like pain either. You do not have to enjoy physical or emotional pain (humiliation) to be submissive.
I’m sure you are thinking, “but lunaKM, you are a submissive and you like pain, right?”
Yes. I am a masochistic submissive. I enjoy the intense sensation as a part of my kinky play and sex. But it is a separate part of me, it does not define me. I am submissive and even if I wasn’t kinky sexually I would be submissive. That’s the key to it right there. Does that make sense to you?
Why do we continue to perpetuate this myth?
Submission is often connected to SM play because many, but not all, submissives enjoy kinky play in the bedroom or dungeon that has to do with pain. So a person who likes pain is a masochist, if they engage in play they are a bottom and if they also submit outside the play scenario they are submissive. There’s nothing wrong or less appealing to being labeled a bottom or a masochist but many novices feel that the term submissive sounds more serious and is taken more seriously in social and community circles. I feel that unfortunately the community also has the misfortune of not taking a bottom or masochist as seriously as a submissive-identified person.
What do you think? Does the community have an issue with accepting all identities as perfectly acceptable roles?