I read on an online forum recently about the stigma that a Master or Dom should be manly or masculine. So many replied that they agreed and had found a Dominant that was physically stronger than they were. I was not in agreement and questioned why they idea of masculinity was associated with Dominance. No one took the bait and I didn’t get an answer so that one will have to wait to get an answer another day.
But I can ponder if the inverse is then true. Does being a submissive inherently mean you are feminine? This, of course, could work in a male Dominant/female submissive dynamic, but then again not always the case. What about relationships where the female is the Dominant? Do they suddenly become masculine?
Thinking about what you know about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner, is masculinity one of them? Does the idea of machismo really stir you? Is this where the idea that all Dominants should be masculine? Certainly, my Master is a man, but he doesn’t have the appearance as a body builder or anything. He’s a technology person and spends a lot of time in front of a computer. Does this lend itself to being less masculine? No one has questioned if he’s manly and I certainly wouldn’t question it.
Is there a vision of submission that is docile, small, dainty, very feminine? Why is that? A lot of submissives don’t fit this idea of submission and are prized for who they are too. Like me. I’m not dainty or small and I only play docile on TV! Is it porn and other media that we get this idea that a submissive needs to be a certain way?
What is gender stereotyping? It is basically defined as a shared set of beliefs about purported qualities of females and males. Since most of you, my readers, are in a male-dominated culture it could make sense that men have more images of strength and power and that females have a softer, home-bound type perception. While this has adjusted somewhat with the rise of feminism, it is still out there.
Interesting essays on gender roles and stereotyping:
Gender Stereotypes and Sexual Archetypes
When did we adopt the gender stereotyping to the Dominant and submissive role in D/s dynamics? What other stereotyping to do you seen in BDSM?
I hope to talk about this more in future posts. Please provide your input in the comments. Thanks!