Me and my boy friend have recently become interested in a D/s relationship I want more information but I’m not sure where to look.
Knowing where to start can be difficult when you don’t know a whole lot about BDSM. You have at least taken a good first step by encountering Submissive Guide and there is a wealth of information there about submission that you can learn from.
To get started, I recommend signing up for the free Starting Out Ecourse to learn more of the basics about BDSM and submission to see if this road really is what you want for your life. It’s a 5 lesson course to help you get you toes in the water. You can sign up for the course here: https://submissiveguide.com/ecourses/starting-out-ecourse/
It’s an exciting time when your partner wants to try BDSM and you’ve been aching for this very moment your entire adult life. Being novices together can be exciting and difficult all at once. You see what your fantasies are but you have no real idea how to make them happen safely and without stepping on each other’s toes.
Some of the best resources are books based on BDSM relationships and introductory information. While I will say that what you read online is generally good information, you have to take everything with an open mind. Not everything you read will work for your specific relationship or your personal submission. There is a list of recommended books for novice submissives on the site and I know that Dominants can also gain a lot of insight from these books. Another decent location for information is FetLife.com. It’s a social network with groups on a variety of topics related to BDSM and D/s lifestyles. If you can pick your way through the negative people and horny trolls that exist all over the net you can find a ton of information at your fingertips.
I understand you are probably worried about how you are supposed to act and how to help your Dom learn what works for the relationship and find his own way in BDSM. The key to all of this is communication and negotiation. When you enter into a BDSM relationship it requires far more communication than what society-standard relationships call for. So before you engage in anything, express your concerns about what to do in different situations and set up a safe word to that play or scenes can halt completely when you get over your head. This works for your Dominant as well.
Please realize now that you will make mistakes and you will mess up. That’s a part of learning and growth. Your Dominant is no exception. He will learn and stumble through things too until he can find his own flavor of Dominance that works for him. If you find that either of you is slipping too much and something doesn’t work right, then call a time out and talk about it. Don’t expect things to fix themselves.
A submissive is not a passive role. You don’t just wait on your knees for something to happen. If you know something needs doing or that your Dominant would be pleased if you did something, ask to do it or take the initiative and do it. This relationship is about exchange and you have to give as much as you get. So if you are kneeling and they forget to let you up, then get their attention and ask to get up. If you feel that you are getting too bratty and need to be corrected, then bring that up to them humbly and ask to be corrected for your bad behavior.
A Dominant (a human) can’t read your mind. You need to talk to them about what you wish, you dream, you desire, you need… even if you will dread the results. Asking for punishment is never easy – but if you feel it will help you focus and clear the negative juju going on, then do it. Invest in your relationship and help it work for you.
There are several articles on Submissive Guide that can help you learn more about yourself.
Learning Your Wants and Needs: https://submissiveguide.com/2009/02/learning-your-wants-and-needs/
Mapping Out Your Ideal Submission: https://submissiveguide.com/2009/03/mapping-ideal-submission/
Recommended Reading for Novice Submissives: https://submissiveguide.com/2009/05/recommended-reading-submissives/
Once you feel confident you know who you are it may be time to go meet some people. BDSM groups typically have what are called munches which are public gatherings where you eat and chat and get to know one another. Sometimes there are demos or presentations, but the focus is on support and getting to know that you aren’t alone. You can find munches by using a search engine and typing the name of the nearest large city and the word Munch or BDSM group.