It’s no secret that 50 Shades of Gray is a huge media success. It’s brought about fame for the author and attracted many people to the theaters to see the film adaptation. But it has also brought curious people to this site and many like it for answers and exploration. Many people first get introduced to BDSM via media. Books, movies and tv shows are beginning to describe kink in a variety of manners and just enough to titillate you but not teach you how to do this in your own bedroom. While I would never directly copy anything you read in a book of fiction or from TV and films, it is a great starting point for conversation and potential kinky fun in the bedroom. Maybe even a complete relationship shift.
So, you’ve come here looking for how to make those fantasies and hot stories something real; something you can experience for yourself. Let’s try to get your training wheels in place so you can go into your first conversation and foray into hot kinky sex with open eyes.
Safety First
It may go without saying far too often, but many of the things we do as far as kink in the bedroom has risks. Often not just physical ones, as some play has mental and emotional minefields. Taking the time to learn some basic safety in the form of Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and a safeword will go a long way to making your play safer and you’ll be more aware of the risks.
- Start Here: Don’t Begin Exploring BDSM Until You’ve Read the Basics
- How Do I Know What I Like? I’m Brand New
- Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC)
- Why SSC and RACK Are Both Important Safety Acronyms to Know
- A Safe Call Could Save Your Life: How to Set It Up
- Safeword
- Hard and Soft Limits? The Sooner You Know About Them The Better
- The Basics of Negotiating a BDSM Scene
Start Small
Movies have teams of experts and lots of editing to get things looking the way they do. You need to learn things a bit slower. Try one new activity or toy at a time and don’t expect it to be perfect the first time. It’s about the journey in exploration, not making it look like it does in your head or on the screen.
- The Anatomy of A Scene: What Happens?
- How to Use Role Play to Spice Up Your Sex Life
- Anal Play: Beginner to Stretch in No Time
- Explain It To Me: The Draw of Being Spanked
- Exploring Face Slapping
- Pet Play and Human Pets
- Perspectives: Flogging
- Perspectives: Rope Bondage
- Predicament Bondage
- Perspectives: Gags
- Perspectives: Canes
- My Time on the Edge: Exploring Rimming
- 5 Types of Naughty Talk
- Getting Started with Exploring Erotic Hypnosis
Decide on your Roles
Who is going to be the bottom and the top? How will you know the start and end of playtime. Roleplay, mini ritual. Phrases and words you can use to enhance your playtime experience.
- BDSM Basics: Am I Dominant or submissive?
- What is a slave, sub, and a bottom?
- The Differences Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave
- Five Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Manipulate Your Vanilla Man into Being a Dominant
- What is a Switch?
Get Yourself Some Resources
If you don’t feel comfortable experimenting without some information to back it up, here are some excellent resources to get you started on.
- The Most Popular and Favorite Books on BDSM – According to Our Readers
- Recommended Reading for New Submissives
- How to Use FetLife to Broaden Your BDSM Learning
- The Top 3 Books I Recommend to Everyone New to BDSM
- BDSM Books You Can Get on Kindle
Ready for some Kit?
Once you’ve learned what you can without toys, you may want to get some basic cuffs or a paddle. They aren’t necessary, of course, to have a great time, but they do add to your kink buffet choices. Here’s some tips and ideas for your first toys and how to care for them to keep them playing for you for a long time.
- Talking Shop – Tips for Purchasing BDSM Toys
- Holiday Gift Guide: 15 Toys and Tools for Beginning Dominants
- Tips for Taking Care of Your BDSM and Sex Toys
- My Toys Or Yours? Building Your Own Toybag On a Budget
- Common Pervertables Around the Home You Can Use for BDSM Play
- Chat Night Transcript from Pervertables Talk with FroggyKM
Hopefully, with these tips and links you’ll be well prepared to start exploring those fantasies and heating up your sex life with kinky play. If you’ve browsed these links and can’t find an answer to your question then use the comment section below and the community here will try to help you out!