Full Question: I have body image issues, and I am frequently asked (well told) to touch myself and make myself cum. The problem is that I don’t enjoy touching myself (probably because I am disgusted by my body). Masturbation has never been something I enjoyed doing. If/when I actually do it, I use a vibe. I want to do as I’m told, and I try, but I just get nothing out of touching my body with my hands. When I am unable to make myself cum this way, he gets frustrated and tells me I don’t cum because I don’t want to.
Do you have any advice on how I can become more comfortable touching myself and actually enjoying it?
Answer:
I definitely understand how you feel. I also struggle with my body image. I especially feel uncomfortable in compromising positions needed for masturbation or sex. What you can do to help how you feel is work on your body confidence. It takes time to stop listening to negative thoughts and start praising yourself, but it will do wonders for changing the lens you see yourself through.
Are you sure that touching yourself is unenjoyable because of how you feel about yourself, or could it be something else? You need to pin that down to see any progress. Masturbating in front of our partner opens us up to feeling vulnerable and creates moments of connection and intimacy. Are you comfortable feeling vulnerable with your partner?
I also think you should have a conversation with your partner, with your clothes on, about how you prefer to masturbate with a vibrator and why doing it with your hands doesn’t have the same effect. I’d also address his response above as inappropriate. Explain to him how his getting frustrated and saying negative things about your inability to orgasm makes you feel. People masturbate differently, and telling him that using a vibe is your way, might open up the door to feeling more comfortable masturbating for them because it’s in a way you are already a bit comfortable with and you know will work better. This is also a good time to let them know what position you prefer to be in while pleasuring yourself.
Masturbating for a partner is a chance to show them how you like to feel good in any way you like. You are in control of the pleasure you give yourself; they are simply the viewer. Even if they are your Dominant, once they see how excited you are by what you are doing, they’ll engage in the activity in their own way. But it all starts with loving yourself and then having the confidence to talk to your partner about how you prefer to pleasure yourself.