I recently had a conversation with my boss that went something like this:
Boss: “We’d like you to start doing some of your colleague’s work because you’re caught up and she’s behind.”
Me: “I would be happy to help, but I see that none of these things are in my job description.”
Boss: “They aren’t, and we won’t know if they will be temporary or permanent additions for you for at least a month.”
Me: “I appreciate your confidence in my ability to accomplish these extra tasks along with my other duties, but we need to discuss them more so we’re clear about how they might impact my ability to get my own work done. And if they are to become permanent, we should discuss compensation for the additional duties.”
This conversation taught me many things.
A few years ago, I would have taken on the new responsibilities without regard for myself or my own well-being. And while I have always been all about helping others whenever I can in the workplace, I have been burned by taking on too much that fell outside of my job requirements.
So what changed from then to now? I truly believe that it was the discovery and acceptance of my submissive nature.
You might be scratching your head, perplexed by the notion that embracing my submissive nature could lead to self-empowerment. It totally can. And it should.
My beloved former Dom taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my entire life: “Just because you’re submissive doesn’t mean you submit to everyone. You choose who you submit to.” His message was very clear: Just because I’m submissive doesn’t mean that I have to allow everyone around me to push me around. Far from it. In fact, he insisted that as his submissive it was my duty to act as an extension of him, and that meant not letting people take advantage of my willingness to help.
Fast forward to this conversation with my boss. It was perfectly clear that she intended to give me extra work without compensation. When I suggested redefining my job description, her tone changed. While she was happy to comply, she was also caught off-guard. Instead of saying no outright, I thanked her for her vote of confidence and emphasized that my goal was to ensure that nothing impacted my ability to get my job done. I wanted to be smart about adding additional work to my plate. Truthfully, she had to agree with me at that point.
It felt amazing to take charge of that situation. Though we’re talking about the workplace, the fact is that I don’t “submit” to my boss even though she’s my employer. The mantra “you’re not the boss of me” kept playing in my head.
Even though I am not currently in a D/s relationship, it’s important for me to always remember that I don’t have to submit to anyone. Submission is my choice, my gift, and I get to decide to whom it is given. It’s very empowering. I feel stronger as a result of this connection with my submissive side.
Lately, I have seen many new submissives asking whether or not it’s ok to be independent in a D/s or M/s relationship. I’m incredibly independent. You can be submissive and be independent. They aren’t mutually exclusive. Sir pointed out to me that while I consider myself independent, I was letting people take advantage of me. At the time, I didn’t understand the connection between what I perceived to be an aspect of my personality and what it really was—my submissive side. In that sense, I am a natural submissive. This isn’t an act for me. It’s who I am. I had to figure out what this meant and how to deal with it. As soon as I established the terms of my submission, everything changed. I felt like a new person. Everything made sense.
In the end, my boss and I were able to redefine my job description. Job descriptions are like D/s contracts: you are entitled to discuss, change, and redefine them with your Dom or Master just as you would with an employer. In both cases, it’s important not to abuse this opportunity. You don’t change your job description on a whim, nor do you run to your Dom every other week to revise your contract. In order to keep your submission and your relationship healthy, you should revise your contract every six months or so. It’s for the good of all involved, and it will help you feel stronger (and more empowered) as a submissive. (This, by the way, is one of the best ways to please your Dominant)
Do you feel empowered through your submission? Tell us about it!