Dear lunaKM,
I have been in my first D/s relationship (online) for about a month. What is your view concerning the care, direction, and contact of Dominants w/their subs? I know we are all different, but I have nothing to compare. Contact is spotty and I feel a bit lost. Some days I get a long list of tasks, yet other days I hear nothing. I adore my Dom but don’t know how to address this issue. Not looking for a 24/7 live-in, but need more direction. What should I expect? Thanks, Daisy
Hi Daisy,
When your communication is limited online there are a few considerations to think about when you start a D/s relationship on this medium. I understand that you are feeling lost and that’s not surprising when this is your first relationship online and you don’t know what to expect. There is a fantastic free ebook on Submissive Guide written by myself and Jessica Elizabeth about online relationships. I suggest you go pick it up and share it with your Dominant too. You’ll pick up a lot of very good information and help you understand how online D/s is different from real-time D/s and how to make it work for you.
Every relationship requires a getting to know you period and communicating your wants, needs, and expectations. I’m going out on a limb to assume you haven’t covered all of these in the short time you’ve been together. So as soon as possible to talk to him about what kind of communication and amount of contact you need to feel stable and confident. You will both need to agree on a level of contact for the relationship to work at all. And don’t tell him that the amount you currently have is enough or you wouldn’t be asking me about it.
You are right that every relationship is different and I can’t give you exact details on what to expect as far as care, direction or level of contact. What I can say is that you have a lot more talking ahead if you want to make the relationship feel right for you. You should never feel afraid to talk to him about these things or your needs may never be addressed. Just because you are a submissive doesn’t mean you have no say in how the relationship functions.
Say you need more direction, more rules or more communication; how do you bring that up? Well, the next time you see him online, tell him you’d like to talk about how you feel the relationship is progressing and that you feel a need for more direction or rules. You may have to suggest a few of your own, so have that prepared. For example, if you think you might like a rule centered around orgasms, then don’t be afraid to suggest it. If it’s fun and helpful for your submission then it might be fun and helpful to him too. If you don’t know what you might want but feel lost anyway then I strongly suggest you explore your own place in submission with research and exploring how a life as a submissive might be for you. Reading Submissive Guide is a great first step, but so is asking questions and participating in online forums related to submission and BDSM. Learn about the things that interest you. Then share that information with him. Explore!
Ultimately, use the only methods of communication you have to talk to him about your feelings and needs for more.