Full Question: How do I ask my Dominant for what I want without sounding demanding?
Answer:
First, communication is the only way your Dominant will know anything about what you want and need, so talking about those things is important to the health of your relationship and your submissive journey. Healthy communication styles require practice and hard work. Communication will never be perfect all the time.
- Talk about what you want, need, and feel using ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need,’ ‘I want,’ and ‘I feel.’
- Set aside time to talk that is free of distractions and interruptions. When something is important, it speaks louder when you specifically address it.
- Listen to your partner when they respond to your request.
If your wants are in the moment, ask for them politely. Our Dominants can not read our minds, even if you may think they can sometimes. Never assume they’ll “take a hint.” Come out and ask for it. If you are uncomfortable asking for things you want and need, work on why you feel that way. Communication with your partner should feel comfortable, open, and welcoming.
If you’ve been accused of being demanding before, maybe it has to do with the force behind your words. When you think you would like something, you may “ask” for it politely. But if you think you have a right to something, you are more likely to “demand” it. Now, submission is about surrendering many choices and decision-making to the Dominant. If what you’re asking for is within the control of your Dominant, then asking them for it nicely and openly will get you far further than if you insist that you deserve it.
Whatever it is that you want, presenting it with respect and a polite demeanor will definitely get you further than being forceful and insistent. I wish you luck in expressing yourself and getting what you want.