Are There Subtle Ways I Can Cue My Partner Into My Kinky Interests?

Would really appreciate it if I could get some advice or your opinion on this ? I’ve always found that submission and being dominated really turns me on. That’s about the only thing I find sexually stimulating but my boyfriend doesn’t really know the extent of what I really like in the bedroom. I’m extremely shy to even let him know this because of the reaction I might get. We both enjoy rough sex and him being in control but have never gone beyond that. I’d like to know how to subtly tell him.

Hi shy,

I can understand your desire to be subtle about telling him what you want and need beyond what you are getting but that just doesn’t work well and I’ll tell you why. In just a moment. Let’s think about the subtle ways again. While I don’t suggest anyone only stick to the subtle ways to entice a partner into trying more or learning what’s in your heart there are always ways you can send hints. Now, getting them to act on them is not always possible which is why the second half of this post will be better ways to share what you need and want from your partner.

1. Leave a book open on the coffee table to a section that has a fantasy or kink idea you’d like to try. Maybe he’ll take a look at it when he thinks you aren’t looking to see what you are reading.

2. Read erotic stories to each other. Make comments about what’s hot in the story or how it makes you feel. Better yet, write erotic stories to each other!

3. Watch porn together and have fun reenacting the kinky parts.

4. Engage in sexting. Often having a screen in-between you and the other person can help you feel braver.

Alright so now that I’ve given you some subtle ways to share your interests with your partner I’ll tell you why these things might not work well. Hints don’t work. Men, in general, don’t take hints. Hints don’t communicate effectively what you are looking for. They can be misunderstood very easily. So, you’ll have to swallow your shyness and come forward with your boyfriend about the things you want and need in your relationship. It takes guts but I think your happiness in a relationship is worth it.

Start with reading the series from ted_subby about talking with your partner about your kinky interests. It’s a popular series here and well worth the read.

These other articles should help you too.

• Making Him the Dom of Your Dreams – Working With The Man You Have
• Establishing a Safe, Trusting Environment for Talk

Good luck!