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Is it wrong to call a safe word in a punishment I wanted in the first place?

Question: Is it wrong to call a safe word in a punishment I wanted in the first place? Answer:  It depends on a lot of factors. First, are we talking about Punishment for a mistake or Funishment for playtime? These two terms get confused a lot, and they can have different interpretations. Once that’s clarified, […]

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Am I too late to join the BDSM community and find a Dom as I am in my sixties and overweight?

Question: Am I too late to join the BDSM community and find a Dom as I am in my sixties and overweight? Answer: It’s never too late to embrace your sexuality or explore what interests you. People discover BDSM later in life a lot more than we admit.  You can’t age out of BDSM. I’ve

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Is it appropriate to expect your Dom to tell you if they’ve been intimate with someone else?

Question: Is it appropriate to have an expectation from your Dom that they will tell you if they’ve been intimate with someone else? Answer: The short answer: yes. Absolutely, 100% yes. A relationship, especially a D/s one is built on trust, communication, and honesty. You should not only expect them to tell you when they

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Solo-Coaching: Learning From Failure – It’s A Good Thing

Through the previous articles in this series, you’ll have learned how to build your personal values and how to let go of your past, including your past mistakes. Learning from failure is a skill that, while difficult, can have longstanding benefits. Many submissives, myself included, get stuck on failure, wear them around our neck with

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The Key Traits of a Service Submissive – They Can Be Learned!

Service-oriented people come from all walks of life and have various skills and knowledge to make them the partners that many crave. When you are a service submissive, demonstrating that you have a few key skills mastered can help strengthen the service dynamic. Anyone can learn to be a good service submissive, even if you

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The Importance of Safety, Risk-Awareness and Consent in Pre-Scene BDSM Negotiation

If you’ve spent more than a few minutes researching BDSM, even just scrolling through Submissive Guide, you know that negotiation is one of the cornerstones. Negotiation and consent are the primary ways BDSM is distinguished from abuse – they are essential parts of kinky play. But far too many people gloss over how important it

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The Basic Tenets of Being a Submissive in a D/s Dynamic

Do you have a good idea of what your submission looks like? Just about every single BDSM book, website, or experienced kinky person has defined submission at one time or another. The dictionary definition just doesn’t cover all the nuances that living in a submissive lifestyle can include. If you’re brand new to BDSM or

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Non-sexual Service and How To Add It To Your Dynamic

Being a submissive in a D/s dynamic can give you many opportunities to explore new things. In my power exchange relationship, that new opportunity was non-sexual service. Our first few experiments were clumsy and crude. Still, we’ve grown to enjoy the moments of service that I provide. It’s changed and deepened our dynamic over time.

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Review of The Path of the Submissive Partner Virtual Course

When Chris M. Lyon, a relationship consultant, and D/s expert, approached me with news of a virtual course, “The Path of the Submissive Partner,” made specifically for the submissive partner, I was intrigued to know what she had created. I’ve talked about how impressed I was by her book, “ Leading and Supportive Love,” in a review

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Step By Step How-To for the Perfect Hot Towel Shave Experience

Now that we’ve covered the list of supplies and talked about what might be lovely additions to the shave service itself, it’s time to take you through the steps of how to give a relaxing sensual shave service that will have your Dominant craving it every single time they need a shave. Since I do not have experience

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Solo-Coaching – Three Types of Values and How to Figure Out What’s Significant to Your Life

As a submissive, we are often bombarded with people telling us that we have to know our wants and needs; from when we first start out, to when we find a relationship, from when we start struggling with this or that, to exploring something new. Wants and needs are quite important. But what’s also important

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Solo-Coaching: Three Key Elements to Fire Your Motivation for Change as a Submissive

One of the most daunting things we do in our life is knowing you want to change or need to change. We all aspire to improve our lives and wish to take on the challenge to make those changes, but quickly we’ll realize that motivation is the key to that change. You can’t become a

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It’s the Little Things: Building Small Unique Moments In Your Relationship Will Nurture Your Mono-Poly Relationships

Uniqueness is underrated. Everyone wants to be like everyone else, are comparing themselves to others in order to fit in, but it’s the fun little unique aspects of a relationship that make it special. Kindling those unique things is especially important for me in a mono-poly and likely most other relationships. Every relationship is unique

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Why Writing a Letter To Your Past Self Will Help You When Your Struggling in Submission

Writing a letter to your future self is a common journaling practice to help you see how happy you are in the present moment, but the writing a letter to your past self is equally helpful. While you can’t save this for you to read later, the exercise is still beneficial, especially if you’re feeling

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