Recently in the chat room here on Submissive Guide, there has been a discussion about emotional dependence on our Dominants and the relationship. Just about every relationship has to have interdependence in order to thrive. After all, if we continue to maintain an independent life there’s really no development of a relationship is there? In […]
Emotional Dependency in D/s Relationships Read More »
Presented with the dilemma of being outspoken, independent and strong-willed when submissive desires crop up, what do you do? Are these personality traits incompatible? I’m here (and living proof) that no, they are not. You can be all of these things and still be submissive. A Dominant friend of mine explained it best, “You’re a strong submissive
Strong-Willed and Opinionated: Can I be Submissive? Read More »
There is some recent discussion of “breaking a slave” going on on the popular social network, FetLife right now. I’m watching it spread across the groups that I’m in and thought I’d not chip into those discussions but share my thoughts and opinions on it right here. These are not the only interpretations and I
What Does “Breaking a Slave” Mean? Read More »
Before I entered a D/s relationship masturbation was a regular recreational activity for me. It was also private. Even when I was married I didn’t masturbate in front of him or let him know when I was taking care of myself. It just wasn’t something I shared. Neither did he. And then I committed myself
How Masturbation Changed in My D/s Relationship Read More »
So you’ve discovered kink and want to try some things out. You talk to your partner about it. Unfortunately, no matter how you suggest things to your partner they aren’t interested. They are really vanilla. It may be obvious that I’m not talking about the ice cream flavor here, but if you are really a
“Safe spaces require that we appreciate and respect the vulnerability of others and grace it with our own.” – Christen Killick Good communication is the cornerstone for a great relationship, whether in a Dominant/submissive dynamic or not. When you’ve been at this for a while, you don’t have to think much about it because it
Creating a Safe Space: Enhancing Communication in D/s Relationships Read More »
The world is full of automatic responses that people use to common questions. One of the most common questions among submissives is “Why do you submit?” and what’s the response 9 times out of 10? “To please him.” Sure it’s a selfless response, but is it always the best answer and perhaps not the most
Why “Pleasing Him” Isn’t Always Good Enough Read More »
I’ve been struggling with my submission recently. It’s been a difficult and painful experience for both KnyghtMare and myself. I’ve been resisting my natural desires to serve and obey and become questioning and testy. As I try to say as much as possible, I’m not a perfect submissive and I have issues like many of
How Making a Cup of Coffee Centers Me Read More »
The reality of long-distance relationships, or any non-live-in relationship, is that you will have to handle periods of absence. It’s a painful and bitter reminder that you are not together and that your desires for each other have to go unquenched. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get through them with a few coping techniques.
Handling Absence in a Long-Distance Relationship Read More »
Every day I’m exposed to or learn about another kink or fetish that I was not aware of. It’s a wonderful and fascinating experience that continues to expand my education and curiosity. Just as when we were very young and asked our parents, “what’s that?” constantly, I’m like a child growing and developing opinions on
Your Kink is Not My Kink and That’s Okay Read More »
In the fall of 2006, my relationship with KnyghtMare was on the rocks. I was battling with submission and what it meant for my life with him. He was changing and growing more into his role. I think that we clashed because we just weren’t prepared for the changes in each other. I got in
When He Removes The Collar: The 3 R’s to Get You Back on Your Feet Read More »
In this last post in the pain management series, we’ll talk about the false edge, limits and the true edge. I hope you’ve enjoyed this series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it for you. Over the course of the previous posts, we’ve hopefully learned how the body processes pain, the benefits of pain processing
Processing Pain in Play: Overcoming the False Edge Read More »
Continuing on the topic of processing pain we come to a very basic question, “What’s the benefit of this pain, anyway?” If you aren’t a masochist this can be a question with no clear answer. Some say, “it is part of submission,” others “to please their Sadistic Top,” and still others can say, “the benefits
Processing Pain in Play: What is the Benefit of Pain, Anyway? Read More »
This is a continuing of the series on pain processing. If you want to read previous essays, check the first in the series on natural pain processing. Pain processing is natural to a certain extent. For some people—boys more than girls—an additional degree of pain processing is taught from a very early age, but not always
Processing Pain in Play: Learning a Processing Technique Read More »
We are nearing the end of this series on pain processing in play. What do you think can interrupt your pain processing ability? If you’ve experienced anything like I have, there are moments where you just can’t change the pain response to anything beyond pain. What normally feels really good is just not. There are
Processing Pain in Play: What Can Interrupt or Block Pain Processing? Read More »
I’m continuing the discussion on processing pain in play today. If you missed yesterday’s post, you’ll want to read about Negative Pain Management Techniques first. If you want to go back to the beginning you can do that too. Now that we’ve learned the negative ways we manage pain during play I’d like to cover a couple of the
Processing Pain in Play: Positive Pain Management Techniques Read More »
Yesterday we talked about the three ways that people naturally process pain. Today and tomorrow I’m going to cover the ways we manage the pain we experience. I’m going to stick with describing the pain that we experience during play for this discussion. Now, part of these posts will talk about the benefits from play that
Processing Pain in Play: Negative Pain Management Techniques Read More »
Sadomasochism is the giving and receiving of sensations. In a lot of cases, this also includes pain. Many of the sadomasochistic tendencies bleed into our relationships in some form or other so what better discussion than to talk about processing pain. Over the next week, we’ll cover what the natural pain process is, pain management techniques, how
Processing Pain in Play: What is the Natural Process? Read More »
When you’ve decided to venture out on a blind date with a prospective Dominant you’ll likely want to set up a safe call. A safe call is someone that is aware you are on a date, who you are with and what to do if you don’t call on time. It’s a check in, plain
5 Things to Give Your Safe Call Person Before You Go On That Kinky Date Read More »
You want to start attending the events in your local community but their dress code is “Fetish Wear Only.” How do you dress for these events without spending insane amounts of money and still look great? Fetish wear can be a lot of things but it’s usually clothing you wouldn’t wear out in the real
Building Your Fetish Wardrobe on a Budget Read More »
