Full Question: I like to be a brat sometimes. Is that a turn-off for the Doms in general? A lot of them don’t like brats. Answer: Being a brat in the BDSM community is a unique and valid role within the spectrum of submission. It’s not a turn-off for all Dominants; in fact, many Doms […]
Is being a brat a turn off for Dominants? Read More »
Initially published 1/14/2009. Updated 12/17/2025. As submissives, we constantly learn and explore ourselves and the activities that bring us closer to our inner peace. We question our thoughts, ask deep questions, and look for answers. It’s part of what makes us so amazing, right? We are fueled by the passion to submit and serve. While
The Transformative Benefits of Journaling for Submissives Read More »
Full Question: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, can play partners be a primary partner? Or should it be someone who is serving the Dominant? Answer: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, the roles and relationships can be quite fluid and are often defined by the individuals involved based on their needs, desires, and agreements. Play partners
What role is a primary partner in poly D/s? Read More »
Full Question: What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Answer: I do believe that you can feel submissive without a Dominant, but it’s not easy. There are things you can do to help focus submissive energy in almost everything you do. First, there is no direct
What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: Everything is distracting. What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Answer: Distractions can be a challenge, but with some mindful strategies, you can improve your concentration and presence. Here’s some advice to help you stay centered and connected no matter what’s going on around you: Mind
What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Read More »
Full Question: Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Are their needs and desires the main goal of submission? Answer: I can really relate to this question. When I first started exploring submission, I believed that it was my duty/calling/job to make sure my Dominant’s needs and desires were always fulfilled, often to the
Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Read More »
Full Question: Hello, I am relatively new to the lifestyle at 50 and have been in contact with my Dominant for about 1 year, mainly through messaging and calls. We have met in real life once before. We have arranged to meet for a play in a few weeks. My Dom has suggested a time
Is a 4 to 5-hour first play session ideal? Read More »
Full Question: How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Answer: A breakup is hard, no matter what kind of relationship you were in. You’ve invested time and emotions to build what you hoped would be a lasting relationship, only for it to end. The end of a D/s relationship comes with all the
How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Read More »
Full Question: What advice do you have for subs who are more experienced than their counterparts? How can you, as a follower, help them lead without doing the leading? Answer: What an exciting experience! It’s common for one partner to have more experience than the other. There are a few things you can do to
As a follower, how can you help your partner lead without doing the leading? Read More »
Full Question: Can you talk about the difference between a unicorn and being a partner in a throuple where 2 partners are married? Oh, and while I am at it, tips for successful throuples! Relationship Agreements, communication, etc Answer: What a great question! Unicorn polyamory is the term for when two people who are in
What’s the difference between unicorn polyamory and a being in a throuple? Read More »
Full Question: How do I know if I’m a Switch or just a brat? Because I know I enjoy being dominated, but the other part is what confused me. I’m confused if what I thought of as ‘enjoy to dominate’ is just me being a brat. There are times that I do like having control,
How do I know if I’m a Switch or just a brat? Read More »
Full Question: Ending a dynamic as a sub feels SO hard. The desire to please is so strong. Help? Answer: Breaking free from a relationship not serving you is hard, no matter how you identify. As a submissive, you may have a high inclination to submit to the person you no longer want to be
How do you end a dynamic as a submissive? Read More »
Full Question: How can we make a collar ceremony, like on which condition does that append? Answer: Creating a collaring ceremony is a significant milestone in a D/s relationship, marking a deep commitment between partners. The ceremony can occur at any point after the negotiation phase, though some may wait until they intend their commitment
How do you create a collaring ceremony? Read More »
Imagine being submerged underwater, the pressure building in your ears, the air squeezing out of your lungs, and the darkness closing around you. It’s a terrifying sensation that can leave you feeling helpless and desperate for a lifeline. The experience of submissive burnout is similar – you feel like you’re drowning in expectations, responsibilities, or
Drowning in Exhaustion: Navigating Submissive Burnout Read More »
Full Question: Can you have more than one submissive trait? Answer: First, I’d like to say that this question is a bit ambiguous. I will try to answer the question as I interpret it, but if this is your question and I didn’t answer it in the way you wanted, please contact me. Submissives come
Can you have more than one submissive trait? Read More »
Full Question: What’s the difference between submissive and slave? Answer: I’ve been hanging on to this question for a while, because while I have a viewpoint, labels and definitions in BDSM often have contention to them. There is no one definition for these terms within the BDSM and kink lifestyle. It’s individually defined. Generally, people
What’s the difference between submissive and slave? Read More »
Full Question: I’m very new to The Lifestyle and have absolutely no idea where to start. I’ve done tons and tons of research but don’t know how to go from passively researching to actively participating. Do you have any advice on where to start? Answer: Starting to explore BDSM actively is never easy and can
Full Question: How do you move on from a dynamic that was ended in an unclear way or with unresolved issues? We are still in the same community, and I don’t want things to be this awkward, but they are very uncomfortable right now. Answer: Navigating a breakup can be challenging, especially when unresolved issues
How do you move on from a failed relationship while in the same BDSM community? Read More »
Full Question: Good resources on begging examples? Feel like I’ve gone through many and they weren’t great. Answer: Great question! Being asked to beg for something is one of the simplest forms of erotic humiliation within a BDSM scenario, for others, it’s a part of everyday interactions with their Dominant partners that emphasize humility. It’s
Do you have any good begging examples? I need help. Read More »
Full Question: Do you ever feel conflicted about being submissive and feminist? Answer: I believe that the feminist movement can move in parallel to what submission is to the D/s world. It’s about making choices, even if the choice is not to have any options. Hardcore feminism tries to state that any situation where the
Do you feel conflicted about being submissive and feminist? Read More »
