Power exchange requires more than trust alone. This article explores the checks and balances that keep D/s relationships healthy, including consent, communication, negotiation, and accountability, helping readers understand how ethical power exchange is maintained and why shared responsibility is essential for safety and long-term stability.
The Checks and Balances in Power Exchange Read More »
Bruising is a common concern with caning and other impact play. This article explores why bruising happens, what factors influence it, and how partners can approach caning with greater awareness, communication, and aftercare, helping reduce harm while prioritizing safety, consent, and bodily care.
How Can I Get Less Bruising from Caning? Read More »
Privacy is a cornerstone of safety in the BDSM community. This article explores why we do not out each other, examining the importance of consent, discretion, and respect when it comes to personal identity, kink involvement, and community trust, and why protecting privacy protects everyone.
We Do Not Out Each Other: Protecting People’s Privacy Read More »
There seems to be this very misguided idea that it is entirely acceptable for the dominant partner in a relationship to participate in aggressive play when they are angry, so long as it is referred to as a scene or as being kinky. I am going to tell you, on no uncertain terms that if your
When Play is No Longer Play: Recognizing Abuse in a BDSM Relationship Read More »
A safeword is your lifeline in play—a vital way to communicate when you’ve reached a physical or emotional limit. For those who play with safewords, there’s often an unspoken expectation that they’re reserved for serious moments, making submissives hesitant to use them. But remember, using your safeword is never something to be afraid of. While
After “Red” : How to Manage the Aftermath When You’ve Used Your Safeword Read More »
I am an avid feminist. I believe in the equality of men and women in every way and I am not shy about voicing my opinion. I work for the campus women’s center promoting healthy relationships, anti-rape campaigns, and an awareness that the world is not as equal as many people like to pretend. I
How BDSM, SSC, and Feminism Work Together Read More »
In my earlier BDSM Basics videos you learned about being kinky and what roles you might like to try while you explore the great big world of BDSM. Today I’m going to talk about safety. Every new thing you try is full of risks, some you are willing to take and others you aren’t. So
BDSM Basics: Staying Safe with SSC Read More »
If there’s one topic that comes up time and again on this blog, in readers’ emails to me and online forums is how do you care for bruises and other physical and emotional reminders of play? Since 2009 when I started writing this site I’ve returned to this topic time and again with interesting and
How to Care for Bruises and More BDSM Play Recovery Tips Read More »
Disclaimer: Though this post deals with depression and suicide, please note that blyss is not a mental health professional, this article isn’t written to diagnose or outline professional treatment for any mental illness. A short list of suggested reading and resources will be provided at the end of the post. If you are having thoughts
Below the Mood of Blue: One Girl’s Experience With Depression Read More »
When learning about personal safety and BDSM you likely hear the word safeword more than once. A safeword is used as a last resort when you need the play you are engaged in to end. But there’s an unintentional negative stigma surrounding using your safeword that needs to be understood. You are not a failure if
Using Your Safeword Is Not a Sign of Failure Read More »
The Birth of Safe, Sane and Consensual Historically, David Stein is the person who first coined the phrase in 1983 for the Gay Male SM Activists Group that he co-founded. It was then used as the slogan in the SM Rights contingent of the Gay Rights march to the capital in 1987. That’s right, the
Consent is Key: SSC and RACK Read More »
A few months ago, a heated topic was being discussed in a lifestyle group that I’m a member of on Facebook. The reason the topic became so heated was that, well, of me. I wasn’t really surprised by this because well, I do have a tendency to create controversy. It was so bad this time,
The Controversy of Safe Words during Punishment Read More »
This is a guest post by Miss Jessica. Everyone’s safety is extremely important of course, but in the BDSM community it is the people who give themselves up the most that have a greater chance of being hurt; submissives, slaves, and all others who fit into categories that fall under the umbrella term ‘bottom’. The degree
More Red Flags for Everyone – Personal Safety and Warnings Read More »
This is a guest article by greeneyedDeviant. As an experienced bottom, I’m often asked about scene safety. But, let’s face it, the excitement leading up to the scene can cause you to forget to prepare appropriately. Here are a few suggestions I’ve found useful for safely preparing to play in a scene. Your Health Things like
Be Prepared: Put Your Health and Safety First For Successful BDSM Scenes Read More »
I’ve spoken to you about Safe, Sane and Consensual and about how it is the first safety mantra that people adopt as they learn about BDSM and kink relationships. Most BDSM munch groups around the world use SSC to define the play that is acceptable and how they prefer to present themselves to the vanilla
RACK: The Risk Acceptable Safety Mantra Read More »
The adventures in the bedroom or dungeon are a lot of fun and you can get lost in the intense responses and pleasure during these moments. It is not without its own challenge of safety and communication. When the intensity of activities go up it’s not uncommon for tops and bottoms alike to lose the
Understanding Vocal and Nonvocal Safe Words for Safe Play Read More »
When a novice submissive first learn about BDSM or D/s power exchange it can be a scary place. The first thing I like to help these novices learn is about safety mantras, particularly the widely accepted Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC. What is SSC? It’s a credo that people in the BDSM community use
Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) Read More »
Your scene has just ended and you both feel spent, exhausted and buzzing with good feelings. And then you look around the room, move your aching limbs and start to come out of your or play-induced fog. The room is a mess, there are toys everywhere. Both of you need aftercare. Who does what? How
After the Scene is Over – Clean-up, Aftercare, and Check-Ins Read More »
Consent and Negotiation are probably something that we think about but don’t really acknowledge daily. It is important none the less to think about and address in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Why? There are many reasons but the most important one is being safe not only with your partner but more importantly with yourself. Consent is
The Importance of Consent in D/s Negotiation Read More »
I was talking with a Dominant the other day about safe calls and how I feel that they are vital for a novice submissive when meeting someone new, especially when they are so inexperienced in the lifestyle as most tend to be. What he said in response, floored me. I’m paraphrasing here, “I don’t like
A Safe Call Could Save Your Life: How to Set It Up Read More »
