Every single day I perform rituals that I've created to help me feel connected to my submission even if I'm not in the mood or feeling in the right mindset. They are especially helpful during times of stress and busy life when the D/s may seem pushed back so that other pressing matters can be handled. Not everyone knows what rituals they can set up on their own though, and many leave it to their Dominants to try to come up with something - only to realize that their Dominant doesn't know what you need to keep the submissive flame alive. That's why I advocate for everyone to develop their own rituals and then present them to their Dominant for approval if needed. The ritual I do is a part of coffee service and so while he is aware of it, it doesn't change how he gets coffee so he doesn't even know I do it most of the time.

The goal here is to make a mental change that can get you in contact with your submissive mind space. But how do you do that?

Create Personal Rituals

To make changes that last, create rituals — highly specific behaviors that you do at the same time every day (or on specific days you select). Willpower is a limited resource, so use less of it by making challenging activities automatic. By setting a time for your routine, you don’t have to spend energy thinking about when to get it done. If you find yourself faltering, reduce the challenge but stay the course.

A lot of people associate rituals with creating "magic" that somehow performing ritual will make things happen or materialize out of thin air. Submissives who ask for rituals may think that they will miraculously be in a submissive mindset after doing them. But it requires more work than that. Like affirmations or mantras and meditations, a ritual is first and foremost a tool for focusing your concentration on what you want.

Creating a personal ritual that will work for your submission doesn't require some how-to book or any sort of religious calling. Anyone can create a meaningful ritual that works for them.

Here are 5 steps to creating an effective personal ritual:

1. Make it have a specific singular purpose. 

The most effective rituals help you focus on one specific idea or thought. In the case of submission, it may be quieting your mind, concentrating on a new rule or working on a change in behavior.

2. Do it now. 

Many people approach rituals backward. They think that they have to wait until they are ready for a change to start the ritual. It happens with starting a diet too. You say you'll start on Monday, or the beginning of the month or January 1st. However, rituals that are started immediately may help you transition to the change and in fact can make you more ready for change than waiting would.

3. Keep it simple.

There is no reason to plan an elaborate script or choreography for your ritual. It could be as simple as lighting a candle or writing your struggle on paper and then burning it. Remember, that a ritual is a way to give your mind a focus and having a lot of things to remember for your ritual can cloud your focus.

4. Share your ritual, if appropriate.

Some rituals are too private to share, but if you perform your ritual while someone else watches or participates it could help solidify your focus and make the changes you need or desire. Your friend could also remind you of your desire if you seem to falter.

5. Expect the unexpected.

Rituals don't always work the way you think they will. Not because they are magic, but because sometimes your focus can amplify a new way of thinking or prepare you for a change you never knew was there.

Highly Recommended List of Ideas for Personal Rituals

Personal Rituals - A List of Choices

 This is a lovely and LONG list of ideas for personal rituals that you can add to your every day, every week or every special situation. I've not personally tried all of them, but I enjoy several as an addition to my service.