31 Days of Submissive Journaling - Day 31: Q&A, Resources and Further Reading

Written by lunaKM

Well, the month is over and I hope you learned about submissive journaling and how to open up by writing! I had a great time putting this series together for you but I know I probably missed some of the things you wanted to know! I'll also include some great journaling resources and links around the web so you can continue exploring the great world of journaling. This post is will also serve as a Q&A post where I'll answer your questions, starting with the ones from way back at the beginning of the month when I asked you what you wanted to learn!

Q: How can I be completely open and transparent with him (and MYSELF) with this constant nagging fear that I will hurt him or our relationship if I openly speak the truth? (Well, MY TRUTH.)

A: Learning how to be completely open is a process and often it can be difficult. What often helped me in journaling is that I'd preface the information with something that buffered it, like, "this is just my feelings" or "I'm not sure how to phrase this but here goes." It often helped me get it on the page and often lead to a productive conversation rather than one filled with pain. Perhaps you'll be able to work out a solution rather than avoiding it? Now, if you are actually hiding something that you know will harm the relationship, those sort of secrets have a way of coming out anyway and it's best to face them before even more damage is done. Keeping secrets is unhealthy and some relationships (mine included) consider secret-keeping as lying.

Q: I also wanted to know about creating a service submissive journal if that makes sense. Something that tracks the skills that I am learning.

A: Keeping track of what you are learning and the skills you are picking up could be as simple as creating a tracker and checking it off every day or it could be more involved and you need to keep notes, record your stats and so forth. Look into bullet journaling for project management, it might suit you. You might also like the series I did on writing a Service and Training Resume. It has a lot of tips for tracking skills, progress and other things you might be learning in your relationship. Check out the ebook here.

Q: My question, or fear really, about journalling, is related to depression/mental health. For two years, I used a daily blog and it worked amazingly well, for me and for my dominant. Things went downhill when I started to suffer from depression, my thought processes became dark and scrambled, and neither me nor my dominant could cope with me expressing these dark thoughts every day. That is when I stopped blogging. Nine months on, I know I’m a lot better and I know it’s time to start opening up properly to my dominant again, and I know a journal or blog is a really good way to do this, but in truth, I do feel a bit scared.

A: My bit of advice is to talk to him about your fears. He'll likely encourage you to start again and know you are hesitant and scared of what happened before he'll understand if your journal is a bit cloudy at first. But since you said that it worked really well before, it can again. Give it a shot. Then, if you are still seeing a therapist you can work on those feelings that come up again before they get really bad.

Q: When journaling, is this information’s supposed to be shared with your Dominant partner? What role does He/She play?

A: You don't have to have a journal that is shared. It's up to you and your partner. I have a private journal to write thoughts in that KnyghtMare does not see. He knows I use it but never asks to see it and often doesn't even know where I've stashed it. Now, I feel that he grants me this because I'm so open with him about things that I can have a private place because when I need to talk to him I will. So, what role your Dominant plays is up to the two of you. Talk about journaling and see what they say.

I'll continue to answer questions in the comments section, so if you have more you'd like to learn about journaling, ask me!