At first, I originally had something else planned for my next article, but for some reason, the word confidence keeps going through my mind. Not one of those normal passing thoughts, but one of those thoughts that keep lingering and I can't shake to save my life. So, I figured the only way to clear my mind was to forgo my original article idea and write about this.

There was a point of time where I found myself wondering why having confidence as a slave or submissive is important. The reason why I was posing this question to myself, and have honestly posed to myself at least a couple hundred million times, is because I don’t have a lot of confidence. I will be the first to admit that I struggle a lot with my self-esteem and self-worth and because of this, it affects every area of my life. I’m not exaggerating, as I’m sure so many of you can relate to that. My lack of confidence makes me question and second guess almost everything I do. Every article I write, every new recipe I try, even when I look at myself in the mirror, I constantly find myself questioning whether what I’m writing is good enough, if I’m going to screw up dinner, or if I really look like the tub of lard that I feel that I am. I may not realize at the time that this is what my thought process is what feels like 90% of the time, but it’s still going on in the back of my head.

I know you are probably sitting here thinking “Okay Tequila, what does all of this have to do with submission, if anything?”. It has a lot to do with submission. The amount of confidence we have or don’t have tends to play a huge role in our relationships. Some people may believe this and others may not, but I know for me, it is a huge factor. If I had a euro(having a dollar doesn't do me much good considering I can’t spend it here in Germany)for every time I ever made a comment to Daddy, to others, and to myself about how I’m not good enough to be His slave, how I honestly deep down feel that He could find someone better than me, someone prettier, someone who can cook better, who can take more pain, who is more emotionally stable, how much happier He would be with someone else. I know that I’m not the only one out there who has had these thoughts. Maybe you haven’t vocalized them to others, but that doesn't make them any less real.

There are times where my lack of confidence grabs a hold of me and takes over everything, especially my common sense and when my common sense goes out the window, that’s when I begin unraveling. When I begin to unravel, my relationship with Daddy begins to unravel. There’s a breakdown in communication because I’m scared to open up to Him because I’m afraid of being judged or ridiculed for the thoughts going on in my head. I become extremely jealous when there’s no reason to become jealous. Jealousy then turns into anger and resentment and nothing good ever comes out of that.

I know some of you may be reading this and shaking your heads and thinking to yourself that a lack of confidence can’t possibly have that kind of effect on your relationship with your dominant. It can. What happens can vary, depending on how you deal and cope with things. But I do know, that ultimately, no dominant wants anyone speaking ill about their property, especially their own property. This is one of those things where you have to fix the problem and it’s not one of those easy problems to fix.  You have to find out what the cause is, what the trigger is and sit down and pick apart everything in your head. Yes, your dominant can help, but there’s only so much that he or she can do for you. You have to be willing to make the necessary changes and learn how to break all those past behaviors that do nothing but tear you down. Even as I’m writing this, I've taken steps to work on this. Brainstorming with your dominant is a great idea to get some ideas, and feel free to contact me because I’m more than happy to help if I can. Building up your confidence is a great thing not only for you but for the people around you.