This guest post is a honeymoon gift from mi_vida.
Let's face it, we all have fears. I'll be the very first person to admit it! In fact, I'll do you one better and let you know I, literally, have a crap ton of fears. Well, the official ruling is still in debate within the scientific community as to what justifies as a crap ton but I am fairly certain I meet the quota.
All joking aside though, for the better part of my life I have let my fears control me. I was aware of most of my fears but until my current and first D/s relationship with Sir, I was not fully cognizant of how they can affect my decisions or reactions to situations...if I let them. That is the key phrase right there. If I let them.
Just because we have fears doesn't mean we have to let the fears dictate our actions or responses. This means we need to be vigilant with our emotions. By this I don't mean controlling them, it is important to feel negative emotions as well as positive ones, we don't want to repress our negative emotions but rather be aware of them and how they can affect us. How can I express to Sir I am fearful of something if I don't even know I am feeling fear?
We need to be aware of our inner emotions so we can then examine the reasons behind the emotions. Do we need to ask ourselves, why? Why am I having this reaction or this emotion to this situation? Typically it is never a shallow or simple reason. People through out the course of our life have hurt us and sometimes deeply. We can hold onto the pain or simply be afraid of feeling that type of pain again and then before we know it, it becomes a trigger in ourselves. We then do everything in our power to avoid having that trigger pressed or automatically react how we reacted in the past when that specific trigger was created. We have given our power of choice over to fear. Now fear is calling the shots in our day to day life and decisions.
It is a slippery slope when we try to ignore or pretend away the fear and the pain. The less aware we are of our emotions, the less aware we are of our own being, the more power we give to our negative emotions to dictate our behavior. So how do we get our power back? By being aware of our emotions and then confronting them. Looking deep into ourselves and our history to see where we gave up the power of choice and to witness our habitual reactions in similar situations.
I can only change that which I am aware I am doing. I use these steps to help guide me when ever I feel something is amiss or if I find myself worrying about something.
1. Examine the emotions you are feeling, state them as simply as possible.
Yesterday I was fearful and sad, I had received another punishment right on the heels of a previous one.
2. Ask yourself why. (Why did this hurt me/upset me/make me angry/make me fearful?)
Why was I fearful and sad? After listening to my heart and examining my mind I found my answers. I was sad because it felt that I was failing a lot and disappointing Sir. I was fearful because I felt that I was not a good submissive by disappointing Sir and maybe Sir wasn't happy with my abilities as a submissive.
3. Now express yourself, share your findings with your Dominant. Communicate what is going on inside of your head and your heart.
Do to my punishment, I was not allowed to speak with Sir on the phone but He allowed me to chat with Him online and I asked Him if He was pleased with having me as His submissive. I then shared what was going on with my emotions and my thoughts about what was happening. He plainly told me He was happy with me and to never question that. He understood why I felt this way. He told me He knows I love Him, that I am learning and stated that He loves me. My heart was instantly at peace.
I consciously used the fears dwelling in me at that moment as another building block to cement the communication in our relationship instead of letting the fears chip away and slowly weaken our bond. By doing that, I reaffirmed the peace and joyfulness I feel in our relationship, content in the fact that Sir knows of my imperfections, my fears and loves me just the same.
We need to be aware of what fear triggers we have in ourselves, not only so we don't keep repeating old behavior patterns that will hinder positive growth and bonding with our Dominant but also because it is another way for us to honor the Dominant in our lives. It is a way to show our Dominants we are growing mentally and emotionally in our relationship. That we are consciously investing energies to improve ourselves and by extension our relationship. When we share our fears, we share our weaknesses. We let our Dominant know how much we trust and love them because we know they love us and will protect that which we give to them.
I choose to give my all to Sir. All of my heart. All of my body. All of my soul. All of my mind. I do this by being aware of my inner workings and communicating them with Him.
What do you choose to give to your Dominant and how do you show it?
mi_vida is in her first and only D/s relationship with saintsinner21. She is brand new and still finding her submissive way but loving every minute of her journey. She is grateful to have found her One and that He is a loving, caring and intelligent guide. She enjoys writing, crafting and learning pretty much about anything and everything. She can be found on FetLife under the same pet name, given to her by Sir: mi_vida.