I’m devoting this Monday to meditation, reflection, and devotion to  submission. I hope to select  topics that will get you thinking differently about some part of your life or  submission and then just maybe grow a little bit further. If you have ideas for  topics that might work for a Meditation Monday,  please email me.

My personal submission has been in the dumps for a while now. It may even be reflected in my writing here on the site, I don't know. I don't feel connected to why I submit and how good it makes me feel. KnyghtMare has noted numerous times that I'm argumentative, questioning and just not how he expects me to be. Knowing this makes me feel terrible. Why it's taken this long for me to really reflect on the why's and how to fix it I can't figure out but now that's it's here I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

Getting back to myself is a long road ahead and, I'll be honest, it's bringing me down. I'm depressed that I've let it get this bad. I'm annoyed that KnyghtMare has been pushing against these changes in me and I've just dismissed them. I still crave submission and I know that I'm most happy when things flow through D/s. I'm deep in the submissive blues.

The submissive blues are not a 'thing'. You don't have to feel bad that you don't know the term. It's one I use personally to recognize when the reasons I submit have become clouded or lost and I begin to slip back into my days of selfishness, belligerent behavior and a blatant disregard of my rules, Master's directions and my purpose in submission. I've never been a natural submissive, everything I do is learned, it's a choice I make to give me peace and happiness in life. I love to submit.

But right now I'm struggling with it. It's really bad. I will come out of it, that's just what I do. But today, today I'm at rock bottom and need to dig my way out. I suppose this could be a New Year's Resolution if I did those things. It is a goal to get back to who I am meant to be. I know that once I am able to do that so much of my life will fall into place again.

Today, take some time to really see where your submission is at. Is it the best it can be? What can you do to work on it?

Care to help me out?

Have you felt so disconnected with your submission that you've lost sight of the joy and happiness it brings?

What steps do you take to get you back on track?


photography; George L Stein, model; Lilly Rose