Submission definitely isn't easy. No matter what direction your journey takes you will have moments where struggle and strife challenge you to continue your submission. I'm a bit hesitant to say that it's common to struggle as a submissive, but I do know that a lot of what I consider struggle is actually self-created. That's right, I make my own problems for myself. I can't be alone in this.
I believe that struggle is my way of finding the right direction for my life and resolving that strife gives me a lot of positive and negative feedback that I can use. I have had to learn to use struggle in this way and I'm not perfect. I can be so negative at times that I wonder how KM keeps me going on the straight and narrow towards his perfection.
Initially, it's good to understand that the struggles that we do have are broken into two types; internal and external.
When we talk about internal struggles these are emotions, feelings and mental blocks we place in our way. Most commonly these are feelings of jealousy, inadequacy or lack of trust. Establishing or lack of mindset, adjusting to behavioral changes and learning to live with conflicting societal views on our lives are also internal struggles. Don't forget any mental disorders we may have that can be a struggle in themselves.
Other internal struggles can be anything that is directly caused or dealt with by the submissive. Yes, we can be our own worst enemy. We make a lot of these issues into a personal roadblock of our submission and then don't know how to resolve it. I know this is the majority of my own personal struggles.
The bulk of external struggles are things you can't control coming into your life and making it difficult. Things like interpersonal relationships, demands on our time, family, illness, work of all sorts and your Dominant's requests on your time. These are all things that you have to learn to work around. Learning to work around these external struggles is what can make or break your dynamic. In fact, this is where so many people lose track of the relationship, "real life gets in the way" they say. Very few people have learned how to incorporate these external struggles into their 24/7 style relationship, but those that do benefit by not ever saying "real life happened."
Okay, but off the tangent a bit, a number of requests for advice that I get you'd think that the internal struggles are the ones that people want answers to, but you'd be wrong. I hear all the time about family or friends, or time constraints or work. How do you handle disability or illness, long distances and more? These are all external struggles that you have to work around in order to make your submission work for you. If you can't do that then you might need to re-prioritize your submission.
Now that you know the types of struggles that you have to face in order to develop your personal submission there are even more things to get in our way. Interference is things that develop out of the struggles listed above. Say you have feelings of inadequacy as a submissive. You struggle with it constantly. What sort of interference do you think that can cause? Can it make you physically sick? Untrusting? Paranoid, hyper-sensitive, quick to argue? All of these things interfere with you solving the problem of feeling inadequate. Again, submissives are really good at throwing our own interference into it and making things harder than they have to be.
In the end, the point is to realize that with all the struggles that you can name, there are things that can interfere with your resolution goals. Also, you are your worst enemy when it comes to struggling in submission. If only we could shut off all those what ifs and worry warts in all of us. But hopefully I've given you some light into how struggles manifest and you can then tackle them a bit easier.
Thoughts to Ponder
- What internal struggles are you currently feeling in your submission? Are they riddled with interference?
- What external struggles are you having to work around?
- What external struggles are overwhelming you? How should you conquer them?