Jealousy. At one time or another we all have felt it. Handling jealousy when it comes to our partners is a trait we all should have, but many don't. We get spiteful, possessive and plain horrible when we feel jealousy rear it's green pointy head. Some people are more prone to feelings of jealousy than others. Most confuse jealousy and envy. I know I've been bitten a few times by jealousy but thankfully I worked through them and realized that there was nothing to worry about. I've conquered jealousy and you can too.
Today we'll talk about what jealousy is, compare it to envy and then figure out some tips on combating jealousy.
What is Jealousy?
When we think about jealousy, what is it? Do we get jealous of our partners or of other people? Not exactly. Jealousy is a fear. Jealousy is the emotion when you fear something or someone might be taken away from you. It is a reactive emotion as a result of something we fear. You can't be jealous if you don't fear anything. But I'm not going to talk about how to resolve fear, only how to handle the reactive emotion - jealousy.
What about Envy?
We often use the term jealousy incorrectly in our everyday lives. Think about a time that someone told you they got something for free or were going to a concert or a vacation spot that you really wanted to go to. You may have even responded with, "I'm so jealous!" In fact, you aren't jealous at all - you are envious.
Envy is the emotion when you want something that someone else has. Jealous, remember, is the fear of losing what you have. So the next time you are in a similar situation you' ll know better.
As I said before in the definition, jealousy is actually a reactive emotion to the fear of loss, which in most cases is caused by a lack of trust and security; oftentimes of our partners or ourselves. Jealousy is the symptom of a problem, not the problem itself. It's important to understand that the root cause of your feelings of jealousy can be something completely different or just below the surface.
Many of the responses to jealousy are fear, sadness, desire, insecurity, hatred, and anxiety. It's an imbalance in your trust not only in the other person but in yourself.
The key to finding the root cause of your jealousy is open communication and talking about everything you are feeling even if it may seem irrational. All of your emotions are valid, no matter how silly or irrational they may seem. They are real to you and that's what matters. Talk them out, figure out how to over come your fears and insecurities and work together to build a strong basis so that jealousy is far from your mind. Trust and security in your relationship keep jealousy at bay most of the time and I have found that if I know that I'm safe in my place that nothing will tear me from it, I do not feel jealousy.
The first step in conquering jealousy is to analyze your emotions. Why are you jealous? Perhaps you feel insecure, and lack confidence in your own abilities. Are you overly dependent on someone else? Do you feel threatened in some way? Once you've figured out what exactly is bothering you, you can begin to get rid of the jealousy.
You must realize that you have a choice as far as jealousy is concerned. Perhaps you can't help that initial surge of emotion, you can deal with it rationally and keep it under control.
Try to avoid jealousy in the first place by making relationships clear. Keep your partner informed of what you are looking for, and what you do. Build mutual trust and remember that everyone needs space.
There are some other simple ways to overcome jealousy.Remind yourself that your Dominant chose you in their life for a purpose and excel at that. Count your own blessings. This positive attitude will help get rid of the sour taste of jealousy. Meditation and calm reflection is another method of doing this.
Practice! Take these simple steps to help in conquering jealousy. Acknowledge your jealousy.
- Locate its source
- Question it
- Make the necessary changes
- Combine jealousy with a more rational emotion
- Practice controlling your jealousy
What other tips do you have to handle jealousy?
LarissaG had this to the list:
- Locate the source of the issue
- Question why you feel this way
- Make a plan to deal with the feelings
- When the feelings come back, work through the questions to control it...and practice controlling it.
- Communicate your feelings to your partner respectfully and without anger before it gets out of hand.
- Listening to your partner and trusting him/her.
Thoughts to Ponder
- Have you experienced jealousy? How did you handle it?
- Is jealousy a healthy emotion? Why or why not?
- Is jealousy more common in vanilla or BDSM relationships? Why?