There is a 21 year age difference between myself and my Master. I am 30 and he is 51.

When we met I hadn't expected we would end up where we are now, which is still together, engaged and very happy!

If I had thought he would be my life partner as well as a play partner then I might not have considered him as a possibility, and I would have lost out on so much!

In the beginning

I had approached him initially as a potential play partner only. I had not considered really where it might lead since I was involved with someone else and so was he. It was his experience that attracted me and his photographs which showed a few of the scenarios he was able to conduct in his playroom that sparked my imagination.

My need really for varying sensations and a masochist fix was what did it. I feel sort of lowly for admitting it was my physical needs that triggered my interest, rather than my need to obey him or his ability to control me - it makes me feel as though I have times where I am some hungry animal with twisted addictions, but there you are!

I didn't really figure being his submissive or obeying him or anything into the equation at that time, it really was just about play and about us both having some fun with each other and trying to fulfill some sort of missing gap we both had in our lives.

I didn't consider it developing into a relationship either, if I had, I would have worried about the age difference and distance between us and it would have possibly made me dismiss the possibility of taking things any further or contacting him at all. I think I was less bothered about the age difference because it was me that chose to reach out and contact him than I would have been if he had contacted me.

The advantages of having an older Dominant

  • Experience - it's not necessarily true of every older dominant, but many of them will have lots more experience (and possibly equipment) than a younger man. My Master had already been around over 10 years when we met, so he had his experience to fall back on of what works and what doesn't. He had a large repertoire of skills to keep one step ahead of me, which me being me was a handy thing!
  • Maturity - older men generally are more mature. Men of my age generally are still possibly living at home with their mum or expecting a submissive to be a second mother to them. I want a man I can look up to and respect and who I can make happy, not one that needs everything done for them, not because I'm their submissive and should be serving them, but because they can't physically look after themselves.
  • Fitting the role - there is something about having an older dominant that fits my idea of how D/s should be. I'm not saying that it's right for everyone, but I feel more 'in my place', that I am his girl and his toy. I find it easier to respect and trust my elders than my peers who are still very much into getting drunk on a Saturday night and having sex with anything that moves! I like feeling protected by him and looked after. That's not to say I'm into any sort of Daddy-daughter thing - I'm not. But there is something about having someone to look up to and be controlled by that fits what I need.

The disadvantages of having an older Dominant

  • Being at different stages of life - having an age gap in a relationship means that you can often be at different stages of life i.e. career, family. I have pretty much accepted that we are unlikely to have kids as he has done that already and we are happy with the life we have together without wanting to bring that into it. Though we are going to be getting married soon!   There are days when I feel broody and I hope that I might be able to persuade him to start a family with me but ultimately what we share together is what we want and what works for the two of us.  But, if you are a young woman this is something you need to consider when starting a relationship - what are your hopes and dreams for your future both vanilla as well as the kink - and are his compatible.
  • Other peoples' opinions- whether it's a kinky relationship or a non-kinky one some people just don't 'get' the idea of being with someone older. I work alongside people who think an age difference of more than 5 years is obscene and icky or that it means you are unable to attract a man your own age and that they are somehow grooming you into something twisted.  Sometimes it's hard to change peoples' preconceptions of this, but close friends and family will be able to tell if you are happy and whether the man you are with seems right for you or not.

To conclude

When entering into any relationship it's important to maybe think about where things might go and what direction you want your life to go in. Sometimes though, you just can't help who you end up falling for and being enslaved to.  If that happens, you need to weigh up your feelings and work out for yourselves what direction to go in.

I have found being with my Master works because he is able to share his experience and wisdom with me, but most of all have provided me with a supportive and happy relationship. My first dom was a lot closer to my age and ended up making me very unhappy. I would rather have the experience and love of someone that cares for me regardless of how old they are then going back to that. I get scared sometimes that I might lose him and be on my own for years without the hope of finding anyone who could replace his spot in my heart and without the ability to meet my needs, but then an age gap doesn't mean necessarily that it will happen that way. Besides, I'd rather have twenty or so special years with him than find someone my own age that might terrorize me for the rest of my life and bring children into the world and be a bad Master, husband, and father.

I think the thing I'm trying to say is the hurdles I faced on this subject have long been laid to rest. I'm happy to help anyone else who is in a similar situation, just leave a comment or drop me an email!  Remember, it's not the opinions of other people that count, as long as a man makes you happy and you both meet each others' needs and desires that's the only important thing.

Thisgirl is a 30 year old submissive living in the UK and engaged to her Master, Grimly. To contact her visit her blog or by fetlife or e-mail