Dear lunaKM,

I'm not sure how to start really but I guess at the beginning is the best. I'm at the point in my life where I'm acknowledging to myself that I'm a Submissive and that the missing part that I've been searching for is someone who can help me.

Before I even thought about it, I've tried dating perfectly normal guys but no one feels right to me. My girlfriends always tell me I'm too picky or my standards were too high...and while I agree with them but can't bring myself to give my control up. So now I hold my own leash until my Sir comes along.

Any ideas on how to keep the depression down until He finds me?

Thanks a bunch,


Hi vixen

Being single is hard. It's been a long time since I was single but I can certainly sympathize with the frustration you are feeling while you search for your Dominant. You are right that dating vanilla guys are probably not going to make you happy, but sometimes you will find a Dominant in a vanilla guy so don't knock it.  And your girlfriends just don't understand. You have to have standards and there is no reason to lower your standards.

Don't wait for him, be active on searching. You are in charge of your own destiny. If you want to find a Dominant you have to go where they mingle. Munch groups, social gatherings, online and so many other places are where you should be mingling too if you want to find a Dominant.

Finding a Dominant

Keep busy. Depression breeds in idle heads. Pick up a hobby. Do some home repairs. Plan more outings with friends. Do things that keep your mind busy or your fingers active. Brewing on the fact you haven't found a Dominant yet won't make it happen and it won't help your depression either.

Managing Depression

Continue to research and explore submissive topics and kink topics. You don't have to have a Dominant to learn more about yourself and the kinks you wish to explore. There are hundreds of books, and even more websites that you can read and learn and understand what it is you want in your life and your preferences for kink.

Where to Start

If you are social, join a local BDSM munch group. That's right. FetLife is a huge online social site that works great for people who aren't sure about face to face yet. Granted it's harder to find a Dominant if you don't meet them. So go to a munch. It's usually in a public place and no one dresses kinky. It's like a dinner with friends.

Find Your Tribe

Good luck, keep your head up and you will find someone you can explore with.