A question I was recently asked :

“how has you pain tolerance been affected sense you began BDSM? Also when you first met grimly, if he were to put you through a session like the ones you can stand now, how much would your pain and pleasure be different than now? I’m curious cuz I’m sorta a newbie at BDSM and I find some stuff more pain then pleasure of what my master puts me in.. I want to know if that will change over time?  lemme know if you need clarification on anything! I feel I don’t make sense ever to myself!!”

My interests in BDSM have changed quite a lot over time in the sense that the types of play that I am interested in are much more varied than they were originally and are developing all the time.

Like a lot of people when I started out I tried quite mild bondage and corporal punishment (impact type play such as spanking, icanes etc) and then over the years have gradually added things such as electroplay, technosex,medical play,breathplay, petplay and all manner of other things to the types of playIlike to enjoy with my Master.

Probably the easiest way to answer the question is to take the example of corporal punishment. I  can remember the first time I was caned at a fetish club. It hurt a lot – but I enjoyed it a lot – and the bruises were extremely colourful and lasted about three weeks. From that point , I gradually played more and more and also had a few years of being a professional spankee/sub and therefore my tolerance of being spanked and being caned increased. The bruises did not last as long and I needed to be hit harder to get the same reactions and marks.

When I started playing with Grimly I began doing less spanking and impact type play, and it ended up being that when I returned to doing it some time later my tolerance was lower again – which perhaps is no bad thing – buns of steel are not much use to masochist who wants to feel *everything* !

Grimly threw a lot of new sensations at me the first time I played with him, though mostly it was pleasurable or the pain was the type that I found erotic. He’s always been able to judge that well , though sometimes of course he’ll be an evil bastard just for the hell of it!

A lot of the things I do now with Grimly would have freaked me out if he had introduced them that first time for example hoods and breathplay. Certain things were phobias and fears and the only way to overcome those was to introduce them slowly and when we both agreed I was ready. Play has sort of developed by itself in the same way as the relationship has. Change and development is a good thing for both partners.

It’s really more the mental perception that has changed rather than the physical one. My body has not really changed so much just my attitude to different types of things. Mindsets can be changed by a lot of things such as from experience and from learning things from others. Sometimes thats needed to see the positives of something when before you might have only seen the negatives and been put off by a certain type of play your dom wishes to try.

In general I am much more confident now than I was when I started out with Grimly,I am much more comfortable with him as well in the sense that I trust him to do anything he wants to me knowing that I will be safe and knowing that his version of ‘anything’ is compatible with mine. It’s much harder in a new relationship to have that, but it comes eventually things such as communication can only help that so if something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t feel as exciting as it maybe should then the only way to do something is to talk over what the hurdle to it might be.

Of course its’ not all just in the head, but 80% or so is. The rest is just aches and bruises. Some things that are associated with hurting a lot might eventually feel a more pleasurable type of hurt with practice but it just getting used to it both physically and mentally.

I have found  I can take a lot more when I'm in a relaxed headspace. The moment  I start worrying if I can take it then quite often I can’t, and it becomes a defeat.

I suppose what I'm trying to say in answer to the question is that its important to talk about any concerns about your tolerance with your dom. If something is too much, it is important to say, and to say why and to discuss building up to the activity gradually with perhaps less things going on in the scene, a lighter implement or whatever it might be. Communication is always the most important thing.

Tolerance will grow in time, and will change. Most of the fun in exploring bdsm is in trying new things together, nobody can have everything thrown at them on day one. I think the fun for a lot of doms is testing things out and learning together and training their sub into being able to enjoy things for their own sake as well as for the fact they please their owner.