KnyghtMare and I are always in role. Even when out in public he is the Dominant and I am submissive to him. So, it's with great frequency that I get asked how we stay in role especially in public or out among the vanilla public. I don't know about you but when it comes to my kink I'd like to be in control of who knows and when that reveal occurs, so our D/s is covert when we aren't able to be completely out.

It is my belief that what we do in public should look as normal to the bystander as possible. I'd hate to make anyone uncomfortable. KnyghtMare and I have come up with ways that he can exert his control over me and no one is the wiser. Here are some things that we do when in public that you can take away from here and maybe use or modify for your own relationship.

I'd like to start with a caveat; every relationship handles public exchanges differently and you should talk with your partner and agree upon ways to engage in covert D/s before doing it. Remember, strangers and bystanders have not consented to be a part of your scene or lifestyle.


  • I open the door for Master.  If it is a double set of doors, typically I'll get the first one and he'll get the second. If we are in a higher level of protocol he will wait for me to open the second door also.
  • I call Master "Amo" or Sir.
  • Impeccable manners are required.

At a Restaurant

  • Many of the exchanges that occur in a restaurant can be disguised and used in a D/s relationship with great success.
  • I order KnyghtMare's food and drink to his specifications. He rarely has to interact with the service/wait staff. It is my job to get his refills and make sure his food arrives correctly. (Many other D/s relationships, it is the Dominant who does the ordering.)
  • While KnyghtMare handles the finances, I handle all money transactions.  This means I pay for meals and the tips. He provides input on how well the wait staff should be tipped.
  • I ask KnyghtMare if I can have a beverage other than water. Most of the time I remember to do this before the staff asks for drink orders, but if I don't I reword the request to, "Do you think I should have Diet Coke?" instead of "May I have Diet Coke?"


It is rare that KnyghtMare will go shopping with me, but on those occasions, I have a few bits of protocol that I have to follow.

  • Always walk at his side or slightly in front of him. I have a tendency to stop and look at things and if he's in front of me he doesn't know I've done so. It irks him to no end.
  • All purchases must be approved by him. This includes impulse buys like candy bars and soft drinks.

There is so much more that will eventually be added to my protocol I'm sure. KnyghtMare and I both really enjoy it. What sorts of ways to you carry out your role when in public? I'd love to hear from you!