I have to start out this post by saying that I am not an expert and can only write about what I understand and have learned. KnyghtMare and I have been embarking on making orgasm on command work for our relationship and ultimately I know it will happen. It's an exciting journey in itself and I've learned more about myself and how an orgasm affects me that I'm very grateful for the knowledge. Also, this post is about how the submissive female experiences the training, not the mechanics of said training. There are many really good articles about Orgasm on Command from the Dominant perspective.

In beginning a training program that involved coming by command I had to be open to it. It wasn't hard at all for me to accept that my Dominant could make me orgasm and he already had the control of my orgasms. I rarely masturbated even though I had permission and I have to ask for orgasms during sex and play. So, it all starts with your mind. As a submissive, if you feel that it just can't happen then it won't. You have to be willing to accept the possibility that an orgasm without physical stimulus is possible and that you want it.

Now, I'm taking some assumptions with this article that you already know how to orgasm and can do it without difficulty. If you have issues coming to orgasm you should look into working on that first (practice makes perfect) before you add the pressure of coming by command.  A book that might help you understand and have better orgasms are "The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman's Guide to Why She Can't and How She Can Orgasm" by Vivienne Cass Ph.D.

Orgasm on command is a shift from having orgasms, and the anxiety it entails, to NOT having orgasms. The "fear" of not being able to orgasm is replaced by "fear" that you will orgasm without permission. That suggestion is most powerful. It's a mental conditioning that requires full trust and confidence in your Dominant that he can command you and honest trust in yourself that you will comply without interference or stimulus.

First Steps

The first thing KnyghtMare had me do was to give over control of my orgasms. This happened within days of agreeing to be under his control. I have not been allowed to orgasm without his permission since then.  I have been asking for orgasms for 8 years, sometimes he says yes, and sometimes he says no or wait.

During our sex play, he likes to see how long I can edge before going over. He keeps me on the brink of orgasm for what can feel like ages.  When he finally gives in to my begging the orgasm is quite intense. A personal caveat, however; if I edge too long it has a chance to make my orgasm go away completely and no matter how much sexual stimuli I have it just never happens. Don't be like me. (:-))

These are the first tentative steps and the most common for people into orgasm control like we are. We've been at this stage for years. And then we went to a presentation on orgasm on command and listened to the presenter's methods.

We'll talk about those in the next article!

Other Submissives Talk about Orgasm on Command

  • slave jade
  • selkie
  • gina