I've written on the site about how you can work with the partner you have to bring out their Dominance or feel submissive in a subtle way and because of that, I have received a lot of messages of frustrated people trying to make their partner dominate them. The scenario seems to be the same, their partner has a dominating personality and they like to be in control of their life. So the submissive partner thinks that they can easily become the Dominant of the relationship and their sex life.
Unfortunately, that's not always true.
Having a dominant personality does not make them a BDSM or D/s Dominant. They are not always connected. Some people want control of their own lives and do well acting dominant in work and with themselves. They get what they want because they work for it. It may even be what attracted you to them. That does not mean they want to be YOUR Dominant. It works for getting them what they want in life, but having control of another person is a different level altogether.
You can't make someone be a Dominant. You can, however, awaken latent dominance or kink that they may have in their fantasies. If this person might be kinky or have some sexual desires that involve dominance, then perhaps you have a better chance at awakening those and bringing them into being your Dominant in the bedroom or in your daily life. I say chance because a lot of people prefer to keep their kink and control fantasies to themselves or they do not want to enact them in any way.
Don't force it. Communication is the best tool in your arsenal to figuring out if your partner is even interested in D/s or BDSM (or both). A lot of partners don't know how to talk to each other and if you learn positive communication skills your relationship will be better for it. So, talk openly and honestly about things. Make sure that neither of you is distracted, this time is to focus on your communication and your relationship. Don't assume they already know your thoughts. Once you've said your piece, give them time to think about what you've said. This could be minutes, hours or days. Don't push.
If you've talked to them and the response has been less than positive then you can't ask them to change or expect them to change. Your options now are limited. You can keep the submissive needs under wraps. You can ask to open the relationship to others so that you can find a Dominant. You can go behind their back and cheat on them (not recommended). Or you can end the relationship.
Just as you can't make someone Dominant, they can't expect you to not be submissive. If that drive is eating at you, ignoring it will only make you frustrated and vengeful to your partner. It's not healthy for either of you to live that way. So please make the right decisions for your life.
Being in a relationship isn't always easy but it is about communication, compromise, and compatibility. All of these have to work for happiness and fulfillment. If you feel you are lacking and can't see a positive future then perhaps it's time to make the hard decision to move on.
Here are some pieces on this site that might help you if you want to introduce BDSM to your partner.
- Introducing BDSM to your Vanilla Partner by ted_subby - first of a 3 part series
- Introducing BDSM to your Partner (video)