This is a guest post by Vikki Heaven.

I realize I've lost count of the number of times I've put my head on my lover's chest and sobbed "but we're in love, why can't we just be together." He soothes me and tells me that the mathematical improbability of us even finding each other makes our meeting the hardest part, and we've already achieved it. He says everything else is downhill compared to that fact. I allow his words to wash over me. Sometimes it helps, sometimes I continue to stamp my little feet and pull a frowny face at the universe.

It strikes me how many thousands and millions of people must feel the same way. We live in a world where some of us living on the planet are lucky enough to have access to the technology that makes the distance seem tiny. Sometimes we feel connected and forget the distance, other times I feel like a 17th-century sailor's wife lighting a candle at the window every night to guide my lover home to me.

So, we all agree: long distance is hard.

But what I've struggled to find in my search for solidarity and consolation on this subject is BDSM-specific tales of LD (Long Distance) relationships. For there are certainly very specific nuances for a long-term relationship conducted this way.

My Daddy­Dom and I met in a creative­writing forum, we hit it off and when we each became single the fireworks started privately. We've grown so much together, shaking off the shackles of the relationships we used to be in and donning the liberating collar of the new. But there have been times when I've longed for guidance from the BDSM community and it's just so hard to find when you've just moved house and aren't integrated into the local ­community yet. So I thought I'd write this blog in the hopes that it opens conversation for those who need it.

Heady Days

My Daddy and I are lucky in that we both have really strong imaginations. In the heady early days, we found no problems in imagining being physically together. Skype, FaceTime, iTexts, all were used to create elaborate sex scenes, intimate love scenes, and real ­time chat in which we reveled in each other. Discovering that our sexual preferences fit together perfectly was a revelation too ­he likes to see the fear in my eyes and I'm delighted not to have to hide it and be a brave girl. I love being taken care of and being a Littlegirl is a balm to the soul when I have to put on a strong façade in all other aspects of my life. And of course, Daddy loves the adoration and it's wonderful to relish in that instead of worrying about coming off 'too needy'. So, yeah: it works.

Sexy Time

I should call this section 'Sexy Time; It's hard to paddle yourself'. As I mentioned before, it helps to have a good imagination. Daddy gives me instructions and I follow them and it's surprising how fulfilling this can be, waking up in the morning sore and marked by him makes the distance disappear. You do have to watch out for Bottom­drop though. Learning to incorporate the time to soothe me and put me in a safe place after play was another game­ changer. Now even if I don't get a drop after sub­space I still love the aftercare and Daddy does too.

This brings me to the importance of routine. No matter what time zone he's in, Daddy always puts me to bed. Makes sure I've had a wash and brushed my teeth and have my soft bonds on my ankles and my snuggly next to me. We talk often during the day ­ when he wakes up, and whenever our schedules meet up (which is several times a day) but bedtime is our favorite and is never missed. It brings a feeling of security and is very important.

Meeting

The meeting was terrifying! Making real your fantasies is a daunting experience. I was in bits about it.

But it was amazing ­ as he knew it would be! Being a full­time slave for a week was everything I thought it could be. It was so good that he came back again only 6 weeks later ­ a huge commitment given that he is literally on the other side of the world.

My brain did a few things to destroy my own happiness ­ I am female after all, and British to boot: happiness is unsettling. I wondered what his faults could be, looked for and found some. Went into auto­pilot for a while so I could just 'be' and stop trying to sabotage things. But ultimately, it was real, it was awesome, and we entered a new phase:

Learning to be apart again.

We're here now, and it sucks. We know we are happy together. We know this will take a looooooong time and a LOT of money to achieve. It is ROUGH. If he spends the money to visit it will be taken out of the savings we need to be together forever. He will also be away for work all summer with no internet (he's military), and that's going to suuuuuck. Privacy issues mean our play time is limited and it's hard not to have that connection. But we never miss bedtime and we talk on the phone all the time. It's hard to go back to cyber when we've had the real thing. Neither of us is great at being patient, so right now times are hard. But the occasional bratting and 'play with me, Daddy?' keeps us grounded and we soldier on.

Surrogate?

The idea has been discussed that maybe we get a surrogate, but again this is not a simple decision. I don't want Daddy playing with others. I know he can't do vanilla as his Dom would always kick in, making sexual encounters a tight­rope walk of consent for him. Going to a safe play space and letting out his sadist on a willing sub is fine, but penetration is another matter. I also just don't want him to Dom anyone but me. And that's how I feel.

I'll probably be treated to a domina, hopefully as a regular treat. We hope it will allow Daddy to set a scene and watch it performed, but I'll let you know how that goes.

The hardest thing for me as a submissive is that I've always had a problem saying no when I arouse desire in others. I'm not overly attractive, but I do have a sexual pull on people, I'm self-aware enough to know this as fact and not arrogance. It leads to folks feeling a pull of sexual desire towards me that can be very animal, but if they're not self-­aware enough to know it is a dominant response, then sex will be unfulfilling for me at least. There are times I'd like to have someone in my bed, to share a physical embrace and to fulfill a sexual itch, but, as with so much in the BDSM life, it's a tightrope walk of consent.

So, that's where we are right now.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. @vikkiheaven on Twitter or email littlevikkiheaven@gmail.com