Wants and needs are very important to any relationship. When you start to understand who you are as a submissive, it's time to figure out what you are looking for in a relationship.

Submissives all over seem to know what they want out of a relationship; it's always present in their minds. The play, the sex, the love or strictness of dominance. Wants are very valid to the happiness in your life, but more important are the needs. When you think of needs, the list seems to come harder and people struggle more with defining what they really need.

Wants and needs are always changing for me. As my submission develops I have to review what I want and need from my Owner to make me feel comfortable in my role. We talk frequently about both of our desires and needs and that way we can make sure that our relationship stays strong and we are both getting out of it what we put into it. It's that important.

I'd like to write a series of essays about defining wants and needs so that you can really control all of the things you desire and comfortably share them with your partner or prospective partner. Hopefully, after you read my posts you will have a better handle on what's most important to you and what you can live without but would prefer not to.


Needs for a submissive are the core items that will provide you with 'life'. In reality, these are the basics of life such as water, shelter, air, and food. But you can also name your own personal needs amongst them. These personal needs are what I'll be talking about in this series.


A person's wants are desires that are additional to needs but are not required for your happiness. Discerning your needs from your wants is a step by step process. We'll cover how to figure out the differences between wants and needs in another post.

You may want to follow along with a notebook and pen on hand, or if you like digital then open up a word processor application. I'm going to cover the importance of knowing what your needs are in the next post of this series.