When I began Submissive Guide years ago, I wanted it to be a safe haven for information and experience exchange for submissives. I didn’t realize that it would be a resource for Dominants as well. As time went on, I noticed that I was getting questions from Dominants in my email and praise from them for what their submissive has shared with them from the site. And so, I went on a little exploration of the site with new eyes. How would a new Dominant use Submissive Guide to learn and explore their budding relationship with a submissive?
It’s been a fantastic journey to reread old articles and see the value from the other side of the slash and I wanted to share with you the key posts that stand out to me as valuable insights into a submissive and the D/s relationship that many are seeking.
Understanding What It Means to Be Submissive
Submissive Guide is a great resource to learn more about what it means to be submissive and perhaps how your own submissive feels about you. Many of the articles are great jumping off places for your own discussions and can nurture and grow a relationship. Also, just because you may not connect with the style of dynamic a particular post is written about, you could find a nugget of valuable insight in almost any post!
It’s possible, as the Dominant in your relationship, you understand what being a Dominant is to you and might consider that the direct opposite could be true of your submissive. I’ve found that it’s often not the case, but that each relationship comes together out of mutually connecting traits and compromises on the ones that don’t. Using another person’s perspective can help you gain knowledge on your own. And growth in any way is always good.
Here are a few key posts that I recommend all Dominants read about what it means to be submissive.
Knowing How to Better Meet A Submissive’s Needs Makes You A Better Dominant
While a submissive’s needs are unique and your submissive should have a good grasp of what they need from you and from their submission to feel happy, there are things that commonly come up in discussions about what a submissive needs from you and from their submission to be the best submissive they can be in the relationship.
If your submissive says they don’t know what their needs (or wants) are, I suggest you have them go through the Wants and Needs downloadable guide from Submissive Guide. You can even choose to do it together!
You’ll find many other key topics on Submissive Guide that could help you learn more about your submissive and how they feel. A couple of the more frequent buzzwords across all social networks and communities are subspace, sub drop, sub frenzy, and aftercare. I’ve created entire series’ for each of these topics that you develop your own knowledge of where a submissive stands on these subjects.
Exploring submission play can involve intense sensation. Subspace is a mental and physical response to the high levels of endorphins produced during play. Described as similar to a runner’s high this is a good feeling and one to be enjoyed if you ever get there.
Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. It can feel like a sense of fatigue, or it can be an intense bout of depression. Let’s get you some help.
During submissive frenzy, you may feel a desperate need to have your desires fulfilled. Many of the activities in BDSM can be considered addictive and frenzy is much like a withdrawal stage. This series will help you understand your urgent feelings and how to listen to your gut when you need it most.
Aftercare is the attending to the emotional and physical needs once a scene is over. But what does that involve? Learn how to give and receive healing aftercare and what you should do in the event you are taking care of yourself after play.
Submissive Guide Can Help You With Your Own Situation
Often, the reason you are browsing the internet in the first place is to get answers to your questions, so it stands to reason that you’ll want to know if Submissive Guide has advice for you. The authors on the site have lived a variety of dynamics and relationship styles and have talked about them, some at length! I’ve gathered some of the best articles for a few of the more common ones.
Long distance relationships (including online only)
Tips for Developing Long Distance Relationships - Long distance relationships are still relationships that require a different approach to develop the same connection and intimacy.
Going the Distance - How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship - Is the time that you will have together worth the expense and duration of the journey? Is there something better closer to home? If the answer is that it is worth it most definitely then you know it can be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
The Role of a Collar in a Long Distance D/s Relationship - Wearing a collar is not just a way to signify to myself and others that I have given myself to another person, it’s a way to comfort myself when I’m feeling alone and to reassure myself on the days when I don’t feel actively submissive.
Online Submission - Exploring submission online is a growing reality. Chat networks, IRC chat rooms and websites developed for real-time fantasy all have areas where the D/s subculture thrives online. They have developed online protocols, rituals, belief systems and several new words the enhance the fantasy online.
Daddy-Little Girl Dynamics: It's Not Easy Being A Little - It’s hard to be a little in today’s society. So many people, even those within the lifestyle, don’t understand the Daddy/little dynamic. They don’t try either.
Daddy's Little Girl - Exploring the Ageplay Dynamic - Being in a Daddy/little or Mommy/little relationship is about a very intimate bond between two consenting adults.
Some Misconceptions about the Caregiver/Little Dynamic - Debunking some misconceptions of the Caregiver dynamic.
The Big Book for Littles by Penny Barber - The Big Book for Littles is really great for those who are new and exploring the little or age play dynamic. This review is a quick analysis and shares why you too should pick up this book if you or your partner identify as a little.
Female Dominant/male submissive
For Male Submissives - While this site is predominantly written by and for female submissives, a lot of what we write about can apply to male submissives too. But there are topics that are specific to male submissives and relationships where the male is submissive and we’ve curated them into a single collection for you here.
The Value of a Slave - I am not sure why I dreamed so much of being owned. Of being a slave. I certainly don't try and protest that I was born to belong to a man and that it was my nature from birth because I really don't think it was. I don't think this is something that you are born to be, maybe how you are wired has something to do with it but I think it is more what happens to you and what inspires you rather than how you are born. Well whatever it was, something inspired me to want this.
Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice - I'll definitely recommend this book to anyone who says they want a Master in their life or are thinking they are a Master. It's easy to read with a lot of personal introspection expected. You'll finish this book a better Master or slave - that I really believe.
Dominance as a Slave Training Tool for Better Submission - Your Dominant is still a valuable tool for slave training and we can use them as a tool for our own development. Take the rules and orders they give us, how do they mold us if we are also seeking a deeper level of submission.
Polyamorous and Open relationships
Polyamory - Polyamorous relationships take many forms and can include many different levels of intimacy. The possibilities are limited only by the needs and desires of the parties involved. A poly lifestyle is really a challenge and for those that it works well for, it is worth it. Are you curious about poly relationships?
Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino - If you are in an open relationship of any kind or are thinking about entering into an open relationship or thinking about opening up your current relationship, you need to read this book.
Is Monogamy a Dying Trend? The Rise of Poly in BDSM Relationships - On a few sites I frequent I have been getting an impression recently that poly relationships and playing with others outside your primary relationship are not only accepted but expected. I'm uncomfortable with this way of thinking.
Use Submissive Guide as a Working Tool in Your Relationship
I’ve been told that a lot of what is written on Submissive Guide can help a relationship grow. Using it for that purpose can only be a wonderful thing, right? So take a few of the selections I have below and start building your unique, beautiful relationship with the training you can develop from the articles within.
Your Submissive Files - A training resume is just another name for a folder where you are going to start keeping your list of training achieved, history and important documents. Throughout the course of this program, you will learn how to write your own files, learn to focus your training in the direction you wish to go and develop a personal development plan for your own growth.
Journaling in Submission - One of the tools that Dominants can use for communication is journaling. But you don’t have to be in a relationship to keep a journal. How do you start one? What goes in it? Dive into the 30 Days of Submissive Journaling series or one of the many other articles about this very useful tool in a submissive’s kit.
Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook - It's organized quite well and I haven't found a single page that isn't worth my time and energy to think about.
Dominant Guide Has Even More Resources
Did you know there is a smaller sister site to Submissive Guide with articles written specifically for you? Ah well, true it is not that big. Dominants don’t seem to be as prolific writers as submissives. Perhaps it is that no one is giving you assignments (haha). In any case, it is helpful. Trust me.
If you are Dominant, I’d love to hear why you read Submissive Guide and what type of posts you find useful for your own understanding. Drop me a message. (firstname.lastname@example.org) I’d welcome the additional viewpoints!